Secrets Of My Heart

2010-11-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

* L * O * V * E *

1) Never both be angry at the same time

2) Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire

3) If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate

4) If you have to criticize, do it lovingly

5) Never bring up mistakes in the past

6) Neglect the whole world rather than each other

7) Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled

8) At least once everyday try to say one kind or complimentary word

9) When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it

10) It takes two to make a quarrel and the one in the wrong is the one who does the most talking

for those who still come by here

2009-12-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

2009-11-24T20:54:00.003+08:00

i think i will start blogging somewhere else..

where i can decide my privacy

i have had a lovehate relationship with blogger..

but alas...

goodbye blogger

find me if u can

2009-11-22T22:46:00.000+08:00

Just as I get over one matter another creeps up from nowhere and slaps me in the face.. as I was making my way back to how things were life decided to do a 180 on me..

Over the past month I realised that I have been sad and depressed one moment and then bounce back to seemingly happy the next moment so much that my body is used to it.. my eyes are never swollen from crying anymore.. I can work for a full day + more on just 2.5hours… and the worse part is that I can go for a whole day on just a sip of water and barely half a bowl of noodles… and yet no one knows what I’m going thru....

Stress is the worse thing that can happen to me.. it causes me to dip into depression.. and when that happens all the essential things in life become non-essential anymore.. eating is meaningless as my body automatically gets rid of it in less than 2hours of eating it.. sleep is never a choice.. it’s either I cant fall asleep or there’ll be nightmares all nite long.. driving is dangerous because half the time I wont be concentrating.. work sucks.. cz I’m not doing much and that gives me more time to be depressed..

When will my life sort itself back to normal?

2009-11-21T12:43:00.002+08:00

i'm eye-ing these items from f21.. *hint hint*

RM99 i think

RM149? or was it RM169?

wanna get them but can't bring myself to splurge on them.. maybe i'll get them on sale next time..

gotta save for future travels now..

2009-11-20T16:55:00.004+08:00

Plucked from Lea's twitter:

A little kid on radio said, if the guy you like is not paying attention to you, go up to him and say, "Spend some time with me, boy!"

2009-11-19T21:18:00.001+08:00

i will stay calm tonight..

regardless of what i may encounter i will stay calm...

please let there be nothing to make me break down again...

2009-11-18T23:46:00.002+08:00

If u start at 16... Even if u hav excellent musicality.. U cn neva be professional... coz no muscle build up...

i know that i am never going to be professional.. or nearly as good as you.. but you need not tell me that.. i already know that fact.. that's why i try harder than you.. that's why i can't get stuff down as fast as you do..

what else can i do? turn back time and force myself to pick up the violin sooner?

2009-11-18T18:38:00.002+08:00

recieved this at 6.28pm

"O.o.. Dunno... Me wan rest abit k? Muahx..."

called back at 6.29pm

"hello.. the number you called is unavailable.. please try again later..."

current state of mind: confused, sad, lost

what happened to my blogger?

2009-11-18T10:08:00.001+08:00

ब्लॉगर हस गोने क्रेजी ओं में॥
हाउ ला॥
एवेर्य्थिंग कोमेस आउट लिखे थिस इन्स्टाद॥
बू..

2009-11-17T10:30:00.007+08:00

I love you more today than I loved you yesterday

I do feel this way.. despite all the quarelling and crying I still feel this way.. but do you?

Small things that you do, or don't do hurts me so much.. but when I tell you it seems like i'm in the wrong for saying it.. I don't know.. maybe it's only me that is being overly sensitive and whatever that has been going on is totally acceptable by everyone else on this planet..

parent's have been saying that I am too thin and want me to go see a doctor about it.. it's not like I have an eating disorder.. I really don't.. I still eat healthy portions plus more! Haiz..

honestly I don't know how I got this way..
life please go back to the way things were..
:(

The boyfriend every girl wants...

2009-11-14T14:21:00.006+08:00

When you break her heart - [ the pain NEVER really goes away ]
When she misses you - [ she's hurting inside ]
When she says its over - [ she STILL wants you to be hers ]
When she re-posts this bulletin - [ she wants you to read it ]
When she walks away from you mad - [ Follow her]
When she stare's at your mouth - [ Kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you - [ Grab her and don’t let go ]
When she starts cursing at you - [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she ignores you - [ Give her your attention]
When she pulls away - [ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst - [ Tell her she's beautiful ]
When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word ]
When you see her walking - [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
When she's scared - [ Protect her ]
When she lays her head on your shoulder - [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
When she steals your favorite hat - [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
When she teases you - [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she looks at you with doubt - [ Back yourself up with the TRUTH]
When she says that she likes you - [ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grabs at your hands - [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]
When she bumps into you - [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tells you a secret - [ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes - [ don’t look away until she does ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
- DON'T let her have the last word
- DON'T call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is soo much better
- Say you love her more than she could ever love you
- Argue that she is the best girl ever
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's OK don’t believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you
- Tease her and let her tease you back
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
- Give her the world
- Let her wear your clothes
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she's important
- Kiss her in the pouring rain
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

but not a boyfriend that everyone can have...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

all those things are so sweet but yet any guy that can do all that is pretty much extinct.. or maybe never existed?

when you cry, no guy will hold you tight and tell you it's ok.. guys nowadays would instead tell you that you're thinking too much and its not true at all..

when you don't answer for a long time, he leaves you to think whatever you want, without explanation at all.. and then blames you for whatever your mind conjured up during that 'long time'.

haiz..

life cannot be perfect but it hurts so bad that you wish you could just walk away from life as is...

if you looked into my mind...

2009-11-14T00:39:00.002+08:00

all you'd see is a cloud of darkness..

a vicious storm that destroys things in it's way...

2009-11-13T21:47:00.002+08:00

when you have nothing to do in the office you read The Star Online...

and randomly clicking i happen to stuble upon an article ablout stress...

Dont Stress It

its all kinda true..

i only know cz i have been overly stressed the past week and my body ain't coping well...

2009-11-13T01:36:00.003+08:00

if i had to choose between sleep and you, i'd pick you...

i missed you so much.. after not spending quality time with you and finally not arguing/smoothing things out over the phone, sleep is not a matter to worry about... but the fact that we still have unresolved issues kills me.. i rather sleep 2hours less and sort out the things with you once and for all so that we can get it out of the way.. haiz...

*depressed*

Random-ness at KLPac

2009-11-12T22:34:00.004+08:00

orchestra was nowhere near better than it was before thanks to the i-conducted-15-concerts-before conductor.. please please be more certain of your beat and beat the correct way.. i can;t exactly re-enter when i get lost looking at your hands... the new gal was not much better also.. writing the most awkward bowing on the scores causing my hand-eye coordination to be even worse than normal.. adik ooi... you are playing in an orchestra.. you cant just simply write your own bowing and play 70% of the down beast with up-bow... you are not the soloist now.... meh...

kids who think they are all that....

luckily there were other things that made up for the loveliness of the rehearsal...

the first thing was that i met an interesting individual before orchestra practice... since i left relatively early and didnt have to send mom back home i reached KLPac super early... and while i was waiting at the lounge he just came up and talked to me... no.. i wasnt the most attractive person there... we were the only 2 people there who turned up 1-1.5hours before practice.. :P.. after bout 2 seconds he told me that he was a tenor in the Messiah concert and that the choir sucked! so so honest.. *salute!* though the orchestra is not really prepared at all i'm not all that mean to say that we are terrible... must jaga muka abit maa... he (i couldn't and still can't remember his name.. i am seriously bad with names...) is 100% random.. all the things he said came out of nowhere! from the fact that he was 'grape-ing' (mengANGGUR) between jobs to the most efficient way to wake a guy up-by pulling off his pants.. wth.. how to do that?? si beh pai se want you know.... probably bout 20minutes of talking/waiting people from the choir and orchestra started to come... and finally someone came to open the studio doors for us... he went in before me cz i was talking to one of th eother players.. and when i turned in to the studio he was there holding the door for me! so sweet and so unexpected... but after i walked in he said 'wahh.. how long does it take you to walk in the door a?'... *smash*

other than that was the fun players in the second violin and viola section.. though we weren't all that good compared to the first violin we always had fun.. from worrying - in a haha kinda way - bout not being able to play the notes to laughing at ourselves bout the notes we cant play.. its funny.. cz we never had that in our section before.. the second violins were always stressed out for the haywire bowing and the awkward fingering.. but this time it was different.. and then there was also the many times where we give the know-it-all conductor the evil eye for not giving us muddy conducting and instructions.. it just seems like with certain people not here the tension isn't there.. =/.. wonder how long this can keep up??

but despite it all the feelings and issues from the nite before was still with me.. haiz.. how how how? my mind still not over it.. how to get over issues like this?? its all so familiar.. can the outcome be different? or will it be the same?

2009-11-11T10:27:00.002+08:00

only slept a mere 3.5 hours last nite.. woke up even before the alarm rang.. a miracle.......
though i am not feeling it yet i wonder how i'm going to survive today?
i wish i could just tell my boss i need a day off.. just to have a day to myself to be alone and sort things out... haiz...

at the moment my life is as volatile as the stock market.. it's steadily climbing up when i am slowly sliding down...
can't wait for january to come to be immersed in studies... need distractions to pull me away from where i am now...

2009-11-11T01:01:00.005+08:00

analyze the photos below and let me know what you see...

her hand is obviously on his elbow.. at first it's a full on denial but later it's 'ya... her hand is on my elbow... but its only for the photo shoot'... is that reason acceptable at all?? just because it is a photo shoot it's ok for you to let a girl cling on to you? if other people don;t do it why must you? and right after our argument about this kinda thing... haiz... if the shoe is on the other foot, will you say the same things??

am i over thinking things?

2009-11-09T21:41:00.001+08:00

2009-11-09T20:17:00.014+08:00

who would have thought after 2 days of bumming i'd wake up with a massive migraine?

imagine waking up at 6.30am for once but can;t get out of bed because your head feels like it's being hit by a metal bar each time you attempt to move...

haiz.. maybe i'm not cut out for the super relaxed life..

or maybe the stress from days before all got suppressed and decided to blow up on me?

meh.. despite my head pounding away i still went to work..

wahhhh.. since when she so good a??

but if i don't go to work i can't do much... only more sleeping and tv.. +i'd be alone at home.. so going to work was the better choice.. considering that i'l be with my mom and there's nothing much to do at work nowadays..

as expected it was totally quiet at the office.. not many phone calls from clients despite the KLCI moving 6 points...

pssstt... according to some analyst the KLCI can move about 100+ points more... O.o

the only thing was the assistant acting like a total ass and running out of the office doing non essential stuff a million times... but the worse part was that my phone was almost totally quiet.. so much for i'l try my best..

2009-11-08T10:18:00.002+08:00

Husbands, do you remember the last time you hugged your wife and told them you loved them?
And how is it that you can't remember that but you can go around hugging other people's wives

That's what the priest said during mass today.. It's so coincidental considering that a similar thought is swimming around in my head.. Everything that took place during mass today seemed so...wierd.. Its like everything that happened, be it the choice of hymns or the homily, all seemed to be answers to what's been in my mind.. I really wanted to cry but I couldn't.. Imagine how hard it was for me to hold back my tears and smile at my parents all through mass...

I want things to go back to how it was.. But is it even possible?

6 nov 2009

2009-11-07T14:31:00.004+08:00

birthdays are never my favourite.. especially if it's my birthday..

since as long as i can remember, i never had a happy birthday.. it's either a major exam is on my birthday or my parents/family is to busy.. so i pretty much gotten used to not celebrating.. last year was slightly different.. it was more cheery than the usual; but come to think of it, i wasn't all that happy.. i was crying my heart out just days before my birthday and the whole time that we were out we were busy avoiding people than spending time together..

this year is definitely nowhere better.. imagine fighting with your boyfriend on your birthday.. fun rite? and no one but us knows about it.. my bro actually thought that i was having fun that night when i got home...

the worse part is that my friends that were there for me aren't there anymore.. the only people that spent time with me and seen me cry aren't within reach anymore... haiz... i gotta re-build those bridges.. i miss them so much.. :(

2009-11-03T21:18:00.001+08:00

quick quick update!

----------------------------------------

the not so emo things i've done over the past month:

eat yummy food for lunch!

now with 2 hours for lunch i don't have to worry bout eating and getting back to work in 30minutes anymore! happy happy~

i tell you the people i go eat with really know how to enjoy.. they can bring you to the fanciest places for buffet lunches and club sandwiches as well as the smallest (or not so small) stalls to eat good hokkien mee and sweet and sour prawns..

oh.. and being the youngest, whenever there is leftover it is passed on to yours truly..

gotta find time to exercise really really soon...

go spa

mom's friend 'belanja-ed' us a spa treat in puchong.. quite nice.. not stuffy like saunas.. hahaha.. not all that expensive also.. if i am not mistaken it is only about rm16-20 per entry of i don't know how long though.. lol... apparently she wanted to open that franchise of spas but the other person went to open one in her 'territory'.. business people mark territory.. scary... =.=

get stuck in 2 hour jam
2 hours in a jam is nothing most of the time when you live/work in the city.. but this time the jam was bad... first of all the trip only takes bout 15-25minutes on a regular day basis.. and all along the way there were at least 5 cars that broken down.. 3 or was it 4 cars broke down less than 20meters apart.. =.= the worse part was when i thought we were getting close to the normally-relatively heavy-but-moving traffic area.. the cops were there.. with their car parked right across the lane.. haiz.. stupid cops.. the road was totally empty behind them... sobz...

what else what else...................

have a day trip to penang
i only went to the penang on mainland.. didn't get to the island to eat yummy yummy food.. even so i was still stuffed by the time i got home... had super big prawns.. all yummy yummy non-the-less.. and i am not a big fan of prawns...

ice skate
woohoo!! at last i went ice-skating after church with timmy~ was fun but super tiring on my legs.. + the first pair of skates didn't fit that well.. making my toes all numb.. boo the person who gave me a size too small.. O! there were many 'pro'-skaters there showing off lo.. mean mean people that scare me like crazy when they whoosh past me from out of nowhere... then there are those people that sit on the ice more than they skate.. those people also very scary... all of a sudden you'll see one of them sitting rite in the middle of your path.. and being a noob in skating i obviosly dunno how to avoid them and end up sitting on the ice next to them the many times that i wasn't clinging on to timmy..... =.= haiz.. gotta get my cousins to teach me how to skate-steer-and stop... XD

---------------------------------

life at this work place not all that boring la.. considering everything that i could do in my last job (which is about nothing - literally)....

now all i gotta do is to plan things to happen after office hours and saturdays!

any suggestions?

2009-11-03T13:30:00.004+08:00

2009-11-03T12:14:00.003+08:00

i never thought that i can say this...

but

thinking negatively has a positive side!

don't believe me?
Click!!

:P
now i can tell my mom that i should maintain how i think instead of switching it to the other extreme..

solitude ain't so bad...

2009-10-30T00:15:00.003+08:00

...all you gotta do is sleep

another lonely lonely day at work... and also the first time i had to lunch alone since i started working here.. since i am super lazy to drive to klcc or what not to eat all alone i just walked across the road for some pasta.. brought the laptop along only to find out i can't get it to work.... =.=.. how sad can my laptop be?

the day passed by relatively fast.. maybe it was cz i was busy clearing out my email inbox from 2004.. so many forwarded messages.. from old frens to old flames.. tsk tsk.. packrat alert!!!!

went thru the pages one at a time.. found a whole lot of funny emails and also some personal ones.. but i had absolutely no emotions towards those emails... it seems time does heal all wounds.. some emails i read today meant the world to me back then.. but looking at them once again i realised how empty words really are.. all that was said in those emails which carried so much meaning then seemed so funny... not funny in a haha kind of way.. but i just wondered... if you really meant all those things, how can they lose all their meaning in a few months/years? haiz..

oh... back to the boring day.. the only reason why today didn't seemed so bad is because i slept right after i came home from work.. after a slow sleepy drive back from work i thought maybe my parents who just came back from the hospital would be at home rite? but i actually came back to an empty house.. empty office room, quiet phone, empty car and empty house.. lonely lonely day.. but either ways i just kinda lied on my bed and dozed off... only to wake 5hours later.. O.O.. by the time i woke, dad was half asleep in front of the tv and mom was already in bed.. my timing so off le.. but i think they tried to wake me many times.. just i didn't wake.. work sucks all the energy from me... =.=

so now 2hours since i woke i'm already sleeeeeeepy again.. haha.. gotta head back to dreamland..

nitez!

2009-10-29T01:30:00.003+08:00

when your days starts all stressed up at 6.30am it can't get any better..

after a whole day in the office pretty much talking to nothing..

you cant exactly consider talking to the assistant in the office as communication cz i don;t talk to him at all.. most of the time he talks n i jz nod...

bout an hour before 5pm i found out that my mom decided to do the biopsy and has to stay in the hospital for the night... not exactly a pleasent way to end a day...

bahh... even after receiving this news i still had to make my way to klpac for practise which i didn't really want to go.. stupid people decide to do the photo shooting thing today... haiz..

sadly in this stupid day the traffic decides to go all smooth on me and i reached klpac 2 hours before practise... and what do i get for being so overly punctual?

no company whatsoever..

so that brings the tally to 11hours without human contact..

calls to people don't help..

cz the one that i want to talk to is too busy with his stuff and theres pretty much no one i can turn to... how sad can my life be?

practise which usually ain't all that bad does no help either.. imagine a room filled with about 60-80 people but u cant talk to anyone there... everyone there is more of an acquaintance than a friend.. so i had to pretty much plaster a semi-smile on my face... +our usual conductor wasn't there.. we were left with the conductor that thinks he is sooooooo good but doesn't realise we all din't understand anything he is trying to convey in his conducting..

unfortunately the day doesn't end here...

we had to go to meet my mom at the hospital..

at 11pm... so i pretty much flew all the way home from orchestra and quickly showered and packed stuff for my parents who are spending the night in the hospital.. since i didn't know how to get there my bro drove.. and i tell you.. his driving drove me nuts! i literally felt like asking him to either drive carefully or ask him to bloody get out of the driver's seat..

once at the hotal the first comment i get from my mom were instructions on what to do next..

i didn;t understand a thing that she said.. i don't understand how she expects me to know anything? don't you have an assistant? tell him the details and ask him to pass the running job to me.. my mind is already too full to process anything... my mom might have just went for a biopsy but i am literally on the edge of a breakdown.. the stress of working in a place where you know nothing about and not having anyone there reliable to guide you is bad enough... adding more things for me to think about and remember helps nothing...

after getting back from the hospital all i get is hostility and the cold shoulder...

me stressing out over the whole stupidity of the day is of no significant importance that i'm supposed to supress everything inside my overly cramped brain.. all i can think of doing now is to curl up under the sheets and cry myself to sleep... cz thats the easiest way to make myself sleep... it helps release the pressure in my head and i really need the sleep.. gotta wake in bout 6 hours to get ready for work...

goodnite world...

2009-10-23T21:10:00.003+08:00

if you are meant to have something, no matter how hard other's pull and tug it will always be yours.. vice versa, when something is not yours no matter how hard you hold on to it, it will still slip through your hands..

i have decided to loosen my grip on things from now on..

no more holding on with both hands gripping tightly on it..

if anything i'l just let things fold out whatever way it is meant to be..

no point trying too hard when things aren't meant to be right?

2009-10-15T22:21:00.005+08:00

no matter how much you say you miss me i find it seriously hard to believe it..

out of the many times you say you miss me, you never call..

not even once all because you don't like it...

how can anyone believe that you miss them when you are not willing to call?

i am not asking for a full on 1 hour call..

just a short call, even for 5 minutes i'd be happy...

i tried to call many times..

but you are never there..

excuses range from i was sleeping to i was in class are still acceptable..

and i am sorry if i interrupted you..

but when you say i didn't realise you called or even i am busy with last minute practises and don't want to talk now, my heart just drops..

i never had and still do not have any words whenever you throw those excuses in my face..

my brain draws a blank whenever i attempt to think about it..

crying is never an option because everyone thinks that everything is picture perfect with us...

everybody has a breaking point..

i wonder how far i am from mine...

2009-10-14T22:03:00.000+08:00

i am feeling emotionally drained and physically dead now...

i've done so much trying to fix things but it seems everything i do equals to nothing..

despite how much i try to keep things as it was i feel like i'm pushed even further..

i'm scared that i can't keep up with this for too long..

can i borrow a shoulder?

2009-10-12T22:50:00.002+08:00

things nowadays haven't been all that good..

but current situations ain't doing me any good either..

the times that i need someone to be with the most i am left all alone..

me alone with my thoughts is never a good thing...

but theres nothing much i can do..

i feel like i no longer have anyone to turn to...

can i turn back time please?

:'(

why cannot one?

2009-10-05T21:55:00.001+08:00

i want to password protect my posts...

blogger no fun.. cannot do that..

how how how??

where can a?

since i got nothing to do i google stuff...

2009-10-03T18:03:00.003+08:00

This version of ISTP seems more like me..

read on and be the judge of that... muahahhaahh

The Mechanic

As an ISTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work.

ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They are attracted to motorcycles, airplanes, sky diving, surfing, etc. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly.

ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws. ISTPs are extremely loyal and faithful to their "brothers".

ISTPs like and need to spend time alone, because this is when they can sort things out in their minds most clearly. They absorb large quantities of impersonal facts from the external world, and sort through those facts, making judgments, when they are alone.

ISTPs are action-oriented people. They like to be up and about, doing things. They are not people to sit behind a desk all day and do long-range planning. Adaptable and spontaneous, they respond to what is immediately before them. They usually have strong technical skills, and can be effective technical leaders. They focus on details and practical things. They have an excellent sense of expediency and grasp of the details which enables them to make quick, effective decisions.

ISTPs avoid making judgments based on personal values - they feel that judgments and decisions should be made impartially, based on the fact. They are not naturally tuned in to how they are affecting others. They do not pay attention to their own feelings, and even distrust them and try to ignore them, because they have difficulty distinguishing between emotional reactions and value judgments. This may be a problem area for many ISTPs.

An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). An ISTP who is down on themself will foray into the world of value judgments - a place which is not natural for the ISTP - and judge themself by their inability to perform some task. They will then approach the task in a grim emotional state, expecting the worst.

ISTPs are excellent in a crisis situations. They're usually good athletes, and have very good hand-eye coordination. They are good at following through with a project, and tying up loose ends. They usually don't have much trouble with school, because they are introverts who can think logically. They are usually patient individuals, although they may be prone to occasional emotional outbursts due to their inattention to their own feelings.

ISTPs have a lot of natural ability which makes them good at many different kinds of things. However, they are happiest when they are centered in action-oriented tasks which require detailed logical analysis and technical skill. They take pride in their ability to take the next correct step.

ISTPs are optimistic, full of good cheer, loyal to their equals, uncomplicated in their desires, generous, trusting and receptive people who want no part in confining commitments.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Thinking
Auxiliary: Extraverted Sensing
Tertiary: Introverted Intuition
Inferior: Extraverted Feeling

ISTPs generally have the following traits:

Interested in how and why things work
Do not function well in regimented, structured environments; they will either feel stifled or become intensely bored
Constantly gather facts about their environment and store them away
Have an excellent ability to apply logic and reason to their immense store of facts to solve problems or discover how things work
Learn best "hands-on"
Usually able to master theory and abstract thinking, but don't particularly like dealing with it unless they see a practical application
Action-oriented "doers"
Focused on living in the present, rather than the future
Love variety and new experiences
Highly practical and realistic
Excellent "trouble-shooters", able to quickly find solutions to a wide variety of practical problems
Results-oriented; they like to see immediate results for their efforts
Usually laid-back and easy-going with people
Risk-takers who thrive on action
Independent and determined - usually dislike committing themselves
Usually quite self-confident

contingency plans!!

2009-10-03T16:50:00.000+08:00

wahhh... sounds so serious...

but i currently only need contingency plans to save my boring weekends...

just this week i have had 3 cases of my weekend plans not going haywire i end up doing pretty much nothing.. haiz..

what could i do??

hmmm......

practice? - top choice! but sometimes i got no mood.. how how??

sleep? - out of the picture cz i think its counter productive most of the time.. unless of course i am super exhausted and on the brink of falling ill...

hang out w timmy? - not always possible cz timmy gotta teach on weekends... T.T

crafting - can! but need to dig out all the supplies and then stuff them back again.. a bit mafan hor..

reading? - but no good books to read.. and marketing/stock market books don't seem to interesting to me...

shopping!! - shopping is super not productive.. + i don;t like to go shopping alone.. T.T

cooking/baking? - oven gone crazy + most of the time there is food already on the table..

what else what else?

priorities..

2009-10-03T16:22:00.005+08:00

i have gotta set my priorities right..

no more cancelling on health appointments for pleasure appointments..

haiz...

gotta make up my priorities hierarchy!!!

brb!!

after 20minutes i realizes one thing....

i don't know how to draw using comp.. =.=

do simple simple one here la...

Health; Family; Tim

↓

Work; Music Education; Friends

↓

Concerts; KLPac; Acquaintances; Colleagues

↓

???

(si beh simple!! haha)

what else is there a?

eh.... dunno la.. add on next time..

oh.. if any of you see me messing up my priorities i give you the right to slap me on the head..

though not too hard la!!

2009-10-02T00:43:00.004+08:00

'i miss talking to you face to face...

not so much on the phone...'

what do you make out of this statement?

i am an ISTP!!

2009-10-02T00:23:00.003+08:00

i recently did a personality test and this was what it said..

ISTPs value privacy and sometimes keep important issues to themselves. Their concern for the present moment and their inability to recognize the importance of setting goals, often leads them into conflict with authority (true true :P) Being action-oriented, ISTPs react against restrictions — which typically causes the controls placed on them to increase. In these situations, boredom can quickly set in and the ISTP may experience feelings of internal emptiness. Overly regulated situations cause ISTPs stress. In such situations, ISTPs either attempt to flee or turn to fight their adversary face-to-face. I tend to flee more than fight.. should start fighting for myself i think..

The ISTP's form of retaliation can be characterized as defiling what other people value. The ISTP violates rules and regulations that protect individual rights in retaliation for the lost opportunities and freedom that the ISTP believes they have had to endure. Getting even stimulates them and a renewed sense of excitement emerges from the risks of revenge and the expression of outrage. If stress continues, ISTPs will put what remaining freedom they have left in jeopardy by rebelling further. muahahahahha...beware!! me loves revenge!!! lol... jk... can't be bothered to do all that.. lazy la...

Careers

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

surveyor
fire fighter
private investigator
pilot
police officer
purchasing agent - buy buy buy~ should be fun.. i wan!!!
chiropractor - if can work on myself then i wan la.. cz my body is in knots..
medical technician
securities analyst - which is almost what i am gonna do soon.. coincidence?
computer repair person
race car driver - ooo.. interesting... but i'm scared of accidents.. O.o
computer programmer
electrical engineer
legal secretary
coach/trainer - teacher is considered this a?
commercial artist - me perform? serious? hahahaha...
carpenter - i can barely saw a plank in half properly... =/
paralegal
dental assistant
radiological technician
marine biologist
software developer

eh.. what do you think?

does these things describe me?

me <3 chocs

2009-10-01T23:18:00.003+08:00

chocs from my parents trip to langkawi...

not all for me la... i'm not that greedy... =.=

but i'm gonna gain weight for sure~

oh!

they didn't know about the tsunami at all...

the government really so 'responsible'..

never inform vacationers.. tsk tsk..

i am tired... very tired..

2009-10-01T14:50:00.002+08:00

been in a rather foul mood recently...

don;t exactly know why but i think i have an idea..

haiz...

smmore had to start the day super early...

i was supposed to get up at 7am this morning to go down times square and book the holiday thing but totally overslept and woke only at 8am... =.=

reached times square at 9am and i tell you the queue was horrible..

wait.. its malaysia... there wasn't a queue.. just a whole mass of people waiting there to make holiday reservations..

had to take number... mine was 112.... the current number was 30... =.=

how sad...

the whole 2 hours of waiting (not bad at all.. they processed about 40 people an hour! was expecting much worse..) all i could hear was people complaining bout how they can't get their holiday destinations and how bad berjaya holidays has become.. some of them were scolding vincent tan and family for the changes in the holiday destinations that was available.. some were even cursing and saying they shouldn't have joined berjaya vacation club as they didn't get anything out of it.. hello hello? sell your membership la...

tsk tsk.. this people only wanna travel during peek season and they only wanna pick the hotspots.. but yet they come to make reservations at 9.30am..

if they were serious they'd be there waiting like the crazy people that came at 6am..

after making my reservations which was done in less than 5minutes.. (no none wanted what i asked for.. =.=.. everyone was trying to get christmas season at langkawi... -.-''''') i went to pavilion.. wanted to get tank top and shorts but didn't... must stock up on work clothes.. not casual wear.. meh.. went to parkson and poped by the laniege sale.. didn't see much there but i think maybe their sets were quite cheap? i didn't see for myself.. but everyone was crowding around that corner.. generally the make up was cheap.. the lip and eye colours fr rm15, highlighter-blush and lip palettes for rm20.. even with those cheap prices i saw a few people that bought rm900++ worth of items.. does anyone really need that many beauty products??

headed back to BTS cz there wasn't much else to do...

haiz.. shopping malls ain't no fun when you don't have a buddy for company.. and also when you don;t have much to spend...

i didn't realize it was 2pm though...

i've been there for 5 hours...

i have had 5 hours of exercise a.k.a random walking..

so much more then i usually do..

haahahaah..

but i'm all sore now..

don;t know why though...

bad mood + body aches...

only cure is to go sleep~

nitez...

i wonder...

2009-09-29T11:52:00.005+08:00

...if i eat more of these chocolates would i be a musical genius like Mozart?

muahahahha!!

2009-09-27T16:24:00.003+08:00

i bought myself a pair of heels~

finally after so long of looking i've finally got a pair~

how is it possible that i actually was looking around for abot 2years before this but never could find a pair that i liked?

picky picky... tsk tsk..

wheee.... can wear pretty pretty shoes for KLPac/MPO already...

but Vincci is famous for feet-killing heels...

i should be ok hor..

hmmm.... let time be the judge of that..

hahhahha...

i'm nuts...

Goth blog~

2009-09-26T18:47:00.003+08:00

what say you??

orange and black...

tho i still like the other blogskin more..

i couldn't find anything else that i really really liked...

oh wells...

new beginning new blogskin ma..

hahhaha...

hopefully i will update more often..

Sept 2009

2009-09-26T17:05:00.005+08:00

gosh...

it's been a month since i last updated..

tsk tsk..

and so many things happened in the past month....

let me try to elaborate......

(not in sequence tho.. my memory not that gud.. :S)

i quit my job as a shop assistant

i found out that the person who was trying to be the good guy is actually the bad guy to start with..

haiz... people have to realise that when they do stupid things others will eventually pick up on it..

no way was i going to stay there after everything that happened..

only a fool wouldn't leave regardless on how much i could get if i stayed on..

i apparently played the violin better

despite not practicing as much.. or rather so little.. =/.. my teacher actually said my playing improved..

though not much compared to timmy..

haiz.. why you can play so well one??

*jealous*

i helped decorate a PINK party..........for a guy

hahahha.. sound so....not right..

but it was fun.. i finally went to midvalley/gardens after sooo long...

went to the biggest craft shop i have seen in KL...

itchy hands.... :P

and also i got to make tissue paper pom-poms and flowers~

my crafting side still hasn't left me fully :P

oh.. and i totally fail at making alcoholic beverages...

shows how much of a noob i am when it comes to alcohol..

haiz..

tho a 17 year old said my mojito was a 'definite failure' i think i like mojitos..

mint leaves + soda water + rum + sugar = yum yum

hahhahha... i love mint~

must try a proper mojito soon...

i am left all alone in the next KLPAC orchestra

the next orchestra concert (17-19th Dec?) i will be alll alone..

XT, WH and timmy all not playing...

how how how?

i'l be sooo bored + scared...

now i got no one to lead me... haiz...

gotta prac more.. or at least listen to the recording more.. =/

i haven't spontaneously bought anything for myself

so it might not be a bad thing..

but i've been working near a shopping center for 3 months but i have yet to buy anything for myself..

anything doesn't include food and drinks laa...

(tho i probably have spent tooo much on food)

but since i started working i haven't bought anything on impulse..

very very so not me.. hahhaa...

gotta plan a trip to some mall to get stuff..

=.=

i quit as a music teacher

i know.. people has told me what a waste...

but i can't teach there la..

bloody idiot act as if i'm not there even though i was standing in the middle of everything..

i really really don't want to but i rather not take the pay and be free that place...

i am gonna miss my students so so much...

my super hyperactive cute little students to the student that has finally showed me some interest..

i'm really sorry to have left.. but i believe you guys and do well..

T.T

i'm gonna start work soon

so soon right??

but no choice la.. i need the $$$$...

haiz.. i miss being a student with no worries...

my next job should be even more demanding than the last..

but hopefully i can cope...

i should be ok gua..

wish me luck!!! hahahaha...

seriously...

meh.. i don't remember what else happened.. anyone remembers anything let me know..

I give up!!

2009-09-26T16:45:00.000+08:00

after months of not knowing what to do with my blogskin i have finally given up..

makeover time!!!!!

check back real soon...

Diploma.. AT? LT? Yes? No?

2009-08-31T23:41:00.004+08:00

What do i play for my next violin diploma exam..

most probably i wont re-do the last level..

which means i'l have to work even harder..

with work and all..

i;m scared i can't make it again...

haiz..

gotta decide on pieces now to start the long long long practices...

what should i play?

Bartok?

(TK i need my scores back!!!)

Beethoven?

Haydn?

(i've never seen or heard this piece though =/)

Sarasate?

(Crazy running notes?? maybe not this piece.. or should i try something new?)

or maybe Bruch?

haiz...

if i decide to do this again and don't succeed i really dont think i will go for it again..

its too expensive to do it again...

help...

2009-08-31T17:34:00.002+08:00

'i didn't want to disturb'

was all he had to say after 90min..

haiz...

31st August 2009

2009-08-31T16:55:00.005+08:00

todays a public holiday..

my first 2day weekend in months.....

but it's nothing like the 'dream' weekend i guess it would be...

for starters i'm home doing nothing... and its killing me...

i hate doing nothing..

which is the sole reason why i am working where i am even though i hate it...

the thing i hate even more than doing nothing all day..

doing nothing alone.. which ironically is what i am and have been doing today...

my parents went out to meet their business partner leaving me at home..

not to mention they took the small car.. which leaves me no choice but to stay at home and do nothing..

i know i should be practising... i keep complaining bout how i dun have the time to..

but i don't feel like it.. i never practise when i'm feeling down... if i do i'll end up playing everything really bad and be even more emo than i already am..

haiz..

timmy is no help either..

don't get me wrong..

he's really really sweet and all..

it's just that although he says he misses me so so much everytime he never really show it to me...

maybe i'm being overly sensitive considering that i haven't really spent time with him for 2 weeks? or is it 3 weeks?

haiz... no help that the last time we were together was spent 'discussing' about music...

plus he can't be here now with mw cuz he's back at college...

i pretty much expected him to not turn up as soon as he said he's friend is throwing a birthday BBQ today...

i don't expect him to either..

makes no sense for him to travel all the way here and go back all the way for the party...

and it was kinda obvious where he wanted to be anyways...

haiz...

i wanna go out..

but i don't wanna go alone....

lalalllalala~

2009-08-27T23:14:00.002+08:00

there were 6 new students in the past month and guess how many students i got???

NONE

the *obvious* reason why i never got any new students is because 'tauke neo' wants me to stay in the admin part of the business to do all the calls n deal with the clients she doesn't want to talk to...

haiz..

but now i'm gonna get new students~

i talked to my boss about my student-less situation and he has set a list of students to be assigned to me as soon as possible..

thats 4-6 students!!

happy happy~~

but all my 'happiness' still depends on the 'tauke neo'...

she has to 'liase' with me..

lets see how long its gonna take for her to come talk to me... =/

i don't think this matter would be on the top of her to-do list....

but i will try my best to (in the most polite/discreet/not annoying way) talk to her about passing the students over to me~

anyone know how?? can teach me how to be subtle yet get the message through??

hmmm...

n i think most probably.. bout 99.999% chance that i would have to call the students myself to tell them that they are no longer learning with my boss...

but isn't that a bit odd??

your new teacher calling you to tell you that you are now under me not him?? O.O

lol.. dun care la..

as long as i get my students i don't care if i gotta make senseless calls...

but i'm sure of one thing..

tauke neo will try to work me to the bone knowing that my working hours are shorter with the teaching coming along...

2009-08-20T20:33:00.001+08:00

wats wrong with my layout/skin thing???

help?

T.T

no boss = fun~

2009-08-20T20:28:00.003+08:00

today there was no sign of my boss(es) in the workplace~

no boss = no students

how nice..

first i get to be less hardworking...

(not that i'm a lazy employee to begin with :P)

and then i get to practise the violin...

which i seldom do nowadays..

i was using a nice nice violin..

fun fun~

timmy next time you come ask me for it k? :P

unfortunately this wont last long... T.T

haiz...

only one day left....

2009-08-19T20:16:00.005+08:00

i was told today since i only started work in june..

and i only get 8 measly off days a year...

i only have 4 days of leave from june - december...

that's not the shitty part..

i HAD to take one (1) day leave to go for some stupid rehearsal thing for my graduation..

(thank goodness my graduation is on a sunday.. if not i will be crying now...)

then there's the family vacation thingy to melaka this friday...

most people would say 'ceh friday take one day leave only ma'

unfortunately for me i work saturdays too...

which means i have to apply for two (2) days... T.T

so all i have left for the next 4 months is one, satu, uno, (1) stinking day of leave!!!

hate hate hate minimum days of leave..

even my dads company starts off newbies with 11 days of leave... or was it 14 days..

how can this be?? a bit unfair rite?? or rather a lot unfair rite!!!

plus the workload that i have to handle...

ish... annoying..

and i don't get new students..

so what if there been only 2 new students in the past 2 months..

but wasn't i promised that i get to teach the new students??

why the heck was i told that i get the students and then 'management' goes and try to squeeze those students in the already full timetable of the other teacher??

unfair unfair!!!!

haiz....

oh..

i was made the 'debt collector' again today..

apparently one of the former employee whoose daughther is learning here has some books not paid for...

guess who had to tell her the bad news.....

(just randomly did calculations.... if i work from june till december this year that'll be seven months.... that means i should get 4.667 days of leave instead....)

(The former employee claims that she has settled the bills long long long long ago... =.=)

i miss my life...

2009-08-17T21:00:00.006+08:00

working is totally killing me...

especially my social life..

since i started work i've pretty much don't have time to keep in touch with anyone..

i barely can keep up with what i'm doing for myself..

i have to handle pretty much everything in the office..

from phone calls to emails to dealing with the customer..

not forgetting checking all the stocks.. manually..........

handling the cash... filing.... setting appointments..

making all the stupid calls to collect money from people who owe money..

telling people that they have wrongly priced the items and the items now are about RM100 more even thought they were given a diff price the week before...

not forgetting that i cant leave slightly earlier, not even 15-20mins earlier, as the lady boss doesnt trust the other two in the shop...

i find that seriously stupid..

hello??? weren't they doing just fine before i came in??

what's the point of hiring them if you don;t trust them??

and the pay i get seems so small for all the work that i do...

u might as well fire them and give me their pay since i am the one doing all the work..

including the ones they used to do before i joined the company...

haiz...

and since i work odd hours, its super hard to even plan for anything..

who would wanna go out at 9.30pm?

even if anyone was willing to, where to find a decent place to hang out for a relatively good time?

my violin playing has also gone down the drain...

i'm pretty much back to square one..

i no longer have the luxury to practise..

and i have been stuck on the same piece for the past 2 months..

but even then i can't seem to remember anything that i've been playing..

i don't have a song in my head...

that's not gud.... at all....

brian doesn't say much bout it but i'm so frustrated thinking about it..

sometimes i wish i could just quit and be all carefree again..

even this short short post was written over two days..

(okay not so short after i added on to it.. but still!!!)

how sad can this be??

haiz...

my take on the people i work with....

2009-07-15T00:49:00.003+08:00

if you were better than me they wouldn't put me in charge of you!!! just live with it that you now have to report...

not to forget that you have to shut up and listen when work is given to you..

ish....

causing unnecessary stress in my life...

really?

2009-07-08T00:31:00.003+08:00

have i lost too much weight??
that day when i asked karen to tell me if i lost too much weight, karen said yes..
and so did my parent when i mentioned it to them...
but tim says i'm ok...
and my bro says that i didnt lose much...

hmmm..
how?
but i'm eating more then usual nowadays...
=/

gotta avoid losing weight though..
i dont want to end up looking old and haggard....
but how?
haiz...

i dun wanna play anymore....

2009-07-05T23:17:00.002+08:00

recently i have been busy with work and havent got a chance to really practise the violin...
and the result of that is that my playing has gone downhill...
all the way down till i cant even play a D minor scale properly...
and i have to perform soon..
how how how??

i think most probably i'l take this concert as my last for the time being..
i rather not play than play badly..
it's not like they need me..

now i just gotta find a way to tell the conductor i dont wanna play without him killing me...
=/

Why!!!!

2009-07-02T22:26:00.003+08:00

i went to that and missed this....

how could i... what was i thinking........ T.T

ok fine.... not exactly this but....... T.T

me want credit card....

2009-06-30T22:29:00.002+08:00

...but i dun have enough income to get one..

or even if i had enough money i dont think it'l be safe for me to get one...

i see too many cute things online..

T.T

today was karens last day at work...

yay karen!

at last got away from there...

thanks for coming to plaza damas to temen me during my 'dinner' break...

hahhaha...

ooohhhhhh......

i got my 1st pay check today~

hahahaha...

after only 8 days of working~~

not much........ but still happy~

cant wait to get lots of students though...

then i'l get much much much more~

hehehehehe...

*fingers crossed*

how blur can i be...........

2009-06-21T23:10:00.003+08:00

i actually scheduled two events to be at this 27th...

and i didnt realise it till today...

i have to choose either to go MPO w my timmy or go high school reunion..

i wouldnt have realised it if it wasnt for the message one of the people going posted on facebook...

how how how??

help....

T.T

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

problem solved!!!

timmy's gonna go to the concert with benny~

so sorry baby..

i really wanna go..

but...

>.<

sorry sorry sorry..

we go the next concert k??

for this concert baby enjoy w benny~

make sure benny stays awake ya..

remind benny on thursday and friday just in case he forgets oh!!!

thank benny for me ya...

i dont like working..

2009-06-19T23:21:00.002+08:00

...at all...

not because theres soo much work to do that i cant cope..

but because there's so little to do and what i can do depends on other..

and those others don't move fast...

how??

i pretty much spend half the time sitting and staring at the monitor screen waiting for them to move....

can i ask for a differet assignment as soon as i get this first thing settled??
haiz....

Can I?

2009-06-17T09:48:00.002+08:00

i only have 5 hours to work today~

yay!!

but after work got klpac.. T.T

can i not join the next concert? >.<

1st day of work.......

2009-06-15T22:48:00.002+08:00

.......and all i did was key in product codes.......

how how??

if its gonna be like that the whole time i will die...of boredom...

maybe i shld bring in a book to read? O.o

or maybe.. bring in crystals to weave??

hahaha..

so impossible...

haiz...

students come quick le....

who wants to be my student??

now is a good time to come learn..

lol~

now i gotta get ready for tmrw!!

have to attempt to sleep before 2am if not i will look like a panda again...

hahhaha..

i'm on twitter!!

2009-06-13T01:32:00.004+08:00

hahahahha..

i'm jz too free~

click!!!

oh...

i didnt get the free bag...

T.T

Eye Candy~

2009-06-09T19:22:00.002+08:00

since i have pretty much nothing to do i literally bloghop form one blogshop to another..

and i got lucky!!!

after prob half a day on the computer i came across this blogshop that sells the cutest bags ever!!

- mer? handmade bags -

total cuteness!

so.. there's this competition thing going on now..

and i had to choose only one bag that i love the most...

but there's so many bags there...

how to choose??? O.O

*thinking.... thinking.... thinking...*

*thinking.... thinking.... thinking... thinking... thinking...*

ok!!

i have chosen Pretty Lady!!

i know i'm so not lady-like most days..

but its so cute...

i like the pale floral prints on it...

totally feminine..

and also soo *organic*... O.O

probably it can make me seem feminie as well??

hehehehhe...

oh... and there's the shape that i like..

if anyone noticed, most of the bags i but are that shape...

don't belive me their cute?

go check them out le~

- mer? handmade bags -

click!! click!!

do hope lady luck is on my side..

WORK!!!

2009-06-08T14:35:00.002+08:00

i gotta start work soon.. T.T

how how how??

no more lazing about the house doin what i wat when i want to...

and i'll be working weekends..

which means no hanging out that much...

:((

haiz....

students come quick!!!!

then i don't have to work so many days..

i wonder......

2009-05-06T02:35:00.004+08:00

are you sure you are not telling me any lies??

why did you tell your friends about it...

go out and do it...

and then decide to hide it from me...

am I that unreasonable??

i'm free~

2009-05-02T02:27:00.001+08:00

at last uni is over!!

Yippee~~~~

no more classes with the oh-so-'helpful' teacher~

no more fake smiles to you~

no mroe being afraid of stupid exams

no more dealing with stupidly biased teachers~

no more having to listen to people backstabbing each other~

no more looking at people with a serious case of multi-personalities~

what else is there??

no more yucky food that causes food poisoning~

no more uncomfortable bed that only gives me 6hours of sleep a day~

no more climbing 3 flights of stairs to get back to my room~

no more practising till 10pm~ (not good tho.......)

hmmm.....

the downside...

less contact with relatively close friends?

less...............................

less practise!!! >.<

eh... not all that many also..

staying home now~

can enjoy doing almost nothing for a month before i'm expected to earn money...

help help....

anyone know where got appropriate job for me?? O.O

1000 a day...

2009-04-04T16:23:00.003+08:00

no...

i dont get RM1000 a day..

i gotta write at least 1000 words a day to complete my final project paper...

i only have 7 more days to write about 7000 words..

if all goes well i should be ok...

unless she goes n cut evrything out... T.T

i'm getting writers block..

as well as pre-recital stage fright 3 weeks before recital...

help me....

i need a break...

2009-03-20T17:04:00.004+08:00

wth is your problem??

so what if i cant play properly??

how the hell would i know that i'd be forced to play by memory????

i never memorized the piece before and just now was the first time i picked up my violin for the day??

i lack expierience that all of you had..

cant i just have a break??

so what if i tend to go off tune??

i dont even know what notes i'm supposed to play!

so what if other people can play all the notes better than i can??

go fucking take the book away from her then see whether she can play everything correct!!!

heck! even i can play perfectly in tune if i can read the stupid score!!

my brain is not a photocopy machine..

i have shit memory and shit hearing..

live with it!!

hate life rite now...

why can't i just skip this phase of life??

i still cant believe that i chose music over other interest in my life...

other interest that seems more and more interesting as life goes on..

things that i can relate to more...

regrets sink in deeper and deeper everyday....

if only i could turn back time...

Numb...

2009-03-19T16:58:00.001+08:00

It's not like i don't want it..

it's just plain fact that i am struggling to get there..

its not as easy for me as the rest of you..

i am already under immense stress...

even my body is slowly showing signs that i'm being streched too thin..

if it goes on i'm scared that history will repeat itself...

can't anybody understand where i am??

i wanna cry...

2009-03-09T13:35:00.004+08:00

my proposal for my final project paper was passed but after i went to talk to my supervisor she rejected the topic...

(which she passed in the first place)

how how how??

have to come out with a whole new topic??

someone help me??

Gong Xi Fa Chai~

2009-01-28T15:07:00.003+08:00

Happy CNY~~

The first few days have passed.....

but the CNY mood is still there sooooo.......

here are my CNY resolutions 2009!!

CNY resolutions:

i. avoid being tempted by the yummy cookies and tidbits when out visiting people...

ii. drink more water and chinese tea instead of soft drinks

iii. no more play mahjong against pro players.. especially of you are a total noob....

iv. eat less bakua..

v. sleep earlier.. wake earlier??

heheheh...

i pretty much broke all of that in the first and second day of CNY..

quite scared to step on the scale when i get back...

haiz...

musn't miss anymore Sat morning jogging...

Vent Vent Vent!!!!!!!!

2009-01-24T13:39:00.000+08:00

updated as of 22 january 2009

(this post is typed out so i may forget... please pardon the anger/frustration implied)

so..

just a little abbrevations to maintain some mystery :P

main character a.k.a source of all things bad = S

boy friend of C = T

fren of C = H

supposed good news gone bad....

who in the world would be sad to hear that your marks for the final recital was reduced to 40% instead of 70%?? hello?? all the lecturer was trying to do when she changed the marking scheme was to fufil the uni requirements as well as help us so that we dun get sooo miserable results..

but no....

S didnt mind.. she went to complain to the head of department.. and restored the 70%.... obviously S wasnt afraid of getting low marks for her final recital because the head of department was her favourite lecturer.. and he totally adores her despite her lack of talent...

(not my lone opinion)

and if he ever gives her low marks all she has to do is make a fuss out of it and ignore him for a bit and *poof* suddenly she gets almost perfect marks....

(proven fact! he even apologized for giving her low marks stating that he didnt mean to and he will make it up to her...)

Non-Classical Pianist are not allowed to touch the baby grand piano; Non-Jazz pianist are allowed to touch the Electrical baby grand piano

Okay fine... i know this is soo unrelated to me.. but still!!!

how can he imply such a rule and make everyone but lil miss S stick to it???

he already (indirectly) bought the electric grand piano for her..

why the monkey would she want to touch the acoustic grand? go play your own toy!!

other people gotta share the other piano!! and i seriously dun wanna listen to your playing...

it has no flair and it sounds like a recording...

hello??? jazz music is supposed to be improvised.. by yourself!!

please make up your own improvisations instead of playing bluntly what other people have written out... by the way, there is no way in the world anyone that plays 'improvised' music can play it 100% similar even if he has seriously good memory...

"I got NO money"

Quote "i only hv RM20 in my wallet now.. evryday i only eat maggi mee for every meal..

i even got diarrhea because i had too much maggi mee"

thats what S says...

after working at the PC fair, art gallery and playing gigs... not forgetting the study loan...

i almost pitied her...

but then the truth came out..

the 'i only have RM20' part might be true.. i dunno.. but the i only eat maggi mee everyday part is a total lie...

apparently for the whole 2 months S didnt have o pay for most of her meals... everyday about mealtime there would be someone going by her house to fetch her to eat... and sionce she had no $$ she didnt do any grocery shopping and left the fridge totally empty...

oh.. and apparently there wasnt any maggi mee at home either...

How Cheap is Cheap??

apparently S who is currently dating T...

but everyone else, they know that she is merely using him to do her work...

recently we even fount out that she is also spending his money...

getting a new phone, paying for her meals, buying stuff for herself....

and the best part is, she has already made up her mind to break up with him after his final recital in bout 3 months?

oh.. and she is already with another guy, H; and apparently a married guy is after her as well...

and of course there are those countless guys from the PC fair...

"so many choices but all also i dun like"

S and H have alredy moved on to kissing when S and T took more than 6 months before holding hands.. quite fast eh..

maybe she just wanna secure her place with H...

cuz H is richer.. and has better connections...

Tsk Tsk...

there are still so many... but i'm too lazy to list them out....

and all i did to know all these was sit in the waiting room for 20minutes...

imagine if they chatted on for an hour...

haiz....

why are there this sort of people in the world??

don't they feel ashamed of what they are doing??

some of the guys that you are fooling aroung with actually have families..

you really dont mind being labeled a homewrecker??????

haiz...

poor T though...

caught up in all the webs of deceitment...

should i tell T bout it?? or just leave it be??

decisions decisions.........

Back there again....

2009-01-15T01:10:00.001+08:00

Just 2 weeks..
or rather 6days back at UPM and i cant take it anymore...
Depression creeping into my life again...
Haiz....

Happy 2009!!!!

2009-01-01T14:33:00.003+08:00

It's the New Year!!!

Happy New Year Everybody!
(as if anyone stops by here that often.....)

I spent new years eve rather differently this year...
not at church as usual but not out clubbing either...
i was actually back in my not-so-little room in Serdang with Timmy..

oh.. i drove there myself.. hahahhaha....

ok... let me see...
we pretty much cleared up the dust and rearranged the stuff in my little corner of the room..
poor Timmy had to clean the super dirty fan...
Thank You Baby!!! *muahx*

after all the dusting and wiping we went to get some snacks/drinks...
my usual stach was gone and i didnt want to drive back and get caught in the jam....
then, we just spent the rest of the day just talking to each other..
about anything and everything..
it was nice..
to have a person that i can share my thoughts with..
even thought we have a 5 year gap between us, you understand me..
and that means a lot to me :) :)

we pretty much talked the night away...
until we realized we had to sleep cuz i still had to drive back the next day...
hahhaha...

i enjoyed my new years eve...
though it is super uneventful..
no countdowns at fancy spots, no fireworks, no booze...
but it was nice..
just you and me.. randomly chatting..
we should do more of this k??
☺

A Quick Summary

2008-12-31T14:41:00.002+08:00

Bye bye 2008!!!

i loved you...
because i went through so much in just one year..
i went from sad and alone to happy and loved all in a year!!

lets see......
i started off as a person who just got dumped.. sad sad sad..
but through that experience i think i grew to be a stronger person???
but through all that heartache and sadness i also found out who my real friends are...
many people that i lost contact with were the ones who consoled me and helped me get back on my own two feet...
thank you all!!!!

hmm.... what else....
oh!! i'm driving already!!
hahah... so gud hor.... after soooooo many years of getting my license....
i didnt actually do this out of my own freewill...
i had to do it..
because there was no one to drive me around anymore...
big big thank you to all the people who encouraged me/forced to drive...
now i TRY to drive you around k??
:P :P

oh oh....
i have found someone who loves me dearly ♥
a person who makes me feel that i mean the world to him...
it's a first for me.. and i totally love being with you!!
although we quarrel and fight sometimes..
thank you for bearing with me!
even if i am sometimes.... most times unreasonable..
though you dont mind, don't give in too much k?
i dont want to be a pampered girlfriend..
it's not good for us....
thank you for letting me know that you love me for who i am.. not what i look like on the outside...
when you said you didnt mind the cut on my head even though it was super obvious..
it meant so much to me!!! no one has ever said that too me...
most people would make me cover it up and hide it...
Baby, seriously, thank you for being in my life ♥♥♥♥
you are the best thing that happened to me in 2008!!!

hmm... i've also been out shopping a lot...
so much until i feel like i have nothing that i really need...
no.. i do not have everything in the world..
i just feel... maybe... dont slap me....
but i just feel that my life is somewhat complete???
i was never a person that feels contented easily..
it's just that now i do not have people in my life telling me how fat/sad/ugly i am..
the company that i have now are people who give me positive feedback and that makes me feel that i am good enough...
i do not have to do much to change who i am anymore...
not like before....
where the person i thought cared bout me usually gave me super negative comments...
haiz...

but it's all different now!!!

i started afresh in 2008 and now i'm going to make sure 2009 is gonna be better..
with great friends and family with me i'm sure it will be better :)

Happy 2009!!!!!

Off to Singapore~

2008-12-23T15:46:00.002+08:00

i'm going to leave for Singapore in about 11 hours!!!
yay!!!
at last i can get out of the country~
hahahha.. bye bye malaysia~
but..
i dont have money to shop..
a bit sad....

mommy give me some shopping money please??

oh!!!
i know.....
i should go bug my bro...
he owes me RM150!!!
hopefully i can get it from him before he spends in Singapore...
wish me luck~

-be back in 5 days-

Exam Blues~

2008-12-18T13:11:00.002+08:00

never ever get sick before an exam...
it only makes you super blur during exam...

i know this because i just went for my exams...
with a bad cold and fever...

obviously it didnt go well...
haiz...

onli can hope for a miracle now..

:(

2008-12-17T17:02:00.001+08:00

so fail....

Happy~

2008-12-08T19:21:00.003+08:00

today my parents brought me and my lil bro to pavilion for a little retail therapy...
mom was in a relatively happy mood and let us buy a pair of jeans each...

bro as usual went straight to topshop and grabbed a pair of skinnies....
his is so thin that skinnies dont look tight on him at all...
he waist is a size28... and it was kinda loose...
*jealous*

and i...
miss only-get-to-buy-a-pair-of-jeans-a-year obviously headed to GAP..
i know GAP jeans are expensive..
but i only get a pair a year.. so its not that bad.... :P
and also the jeans modal that i get [curvy] really flatters my body shape =D
serious..

anyways...
i tried on a pair that was the same size as my current fav jeans...
but it turned out it fit just nice at the bum but loose at the waist..
so i thought maybe i was in between sizes.. :(
mom and lil bro suggested to try a size smaller..
but i was skeptical that i couldnt fit =.=
mom literally went
'you are size X, u think you can fit size X-1???'
*mean mean mean*
but since we had nothing else better to do my bro went to get a size smaller for me...
i was really worried at first but when i put the pants on..
IT FITTED ME PERFECTLY!!!!
so so so happy~
hahahahah
i dropped 1 dress size!!!
unbelievable 0.O

now all i gotta do is to maintain, maintain and maintain my current size...
i'm supposedly 'not allowed' to lose anymore weight..
but i don't want to anyways...
cuz i love food too much :P

how?? any suggestions..
aside from dieting and exercising?

:P

sadly true...

2008-12-04T10:19:00.003+08:00

my blog is so sad.. literally..

i wanted to post another emo/sad post but then realised something...
out of the few post that i have i actually only have 4 post labeled 'happy'..
everything else is sad, emo, broken hearted, etc. etc.

is my life really that sad??

haiz...

[ emo post delayed until further notice ]

how could i have done that??

2008-12-04T00:09:00.003+08:00

i drive on a relatively regular basis now!!
YAY me~

but with driving comes expensive experiences..

no..

i didn't get into an accident...

neither have i gotten lost n drove around in circles....

but...

i actually locked my car keys in the car...
in a shopping mall...
with my violin inside...

at first i panicked.. wanted to cry...
but a few seconds later i started to laugh...
just like how i reacted to the lost of my phone...
:P.. i'm going crazy i think.... =/

but then i think it's cuz i wasn't alone both times..
i had timothy by my side..
waiting with me... consoling me...
making me play super cute game on psp..
hahahha....
but his presence really helped...
made me less nervous...
*muahx*

back to the story......

i had to call a lock smith to come...
he laughed at me for locking the key in the car...
=.=... wei... i'm a newbie driver le..
smmore driving diff car..
not used to it yet...

it took him say bout.... 20 minutes to get it done...
he could have done it quicker if i told him the correct direction i'm supposed to turn the key to open the door..
i seriously didn't know..
and gave him the opposite direction...
hahahah.. poor him...
ehh... not poor.... charged me RM80...
haiz...
RM100 gone just like that~

well....
just my luck...
will definitely be more careful nxt time!!!!!
no more money to spend on 'lessons' like that.... =.=...
whoever that rides in my car gotta remind me bout it...

if not..

i'l make u foot half the bill!!!!! XD

Geram!!!!!

2008-11-30T23:55:00.002+08:00

(Akan Datang)

Where's My Painkiller?

2008-11-28T23:55:00.003+08:00

i am in pain...
not physical kind of pain...
it's more of a emotion or mental pain that i am going through..

stress is getting the better of me...
need to find a way to get over it..

but then...

there are so many things add to the stress..
i wanna give up of everything and just let go..
but i can't do that....
that's nothing like me...

gotta be strong...

only a month to go till the new year!!

New Year Come Quick!!!

i need guts...

2008-11-22T00:50:00.003+08:00

exams coming up soon and i'm soo not prepared..
how??
teacher said i need more courage..
just play!!
don't care about the mistakes!!!!
don't get scared at the difficult parts!!!
haiz..
if only it was that easy for me...

due to lack of practice...
which is soo true...
next week i gotta go subang to practise..
3pm-10pm...
=.=
gotta drive there smmore....

practice???
a good thing....

driving there???
i should be fine...

but..

driving there alone????
I'm so scared....
*sobsob*

hopefully after a test drive with mom on Sunday can permanently print the way there in my brain...
and probably driving there on Monday with Timmy can build up my confidence...

and last but not least.......
i gotta make sure i dun drive like a maniac...
bad bad thing that i have been doing lately....
will start driving slow and steady again~

i lost my phone....

2008-11-21T01:17:00.006+08:00

sobsobsobsobsobsobsob..

my phone got stolen...
so sad..
not only because i lost the phone..
but because i lost everything else inside...
numbers... pictures.. messages.... songs.... 1Gb microSD card.....

:(

memories..
.............gone...
........................forever...
haiz...

now i'm left with the worst phones in the house..
=.=

hopefully can get free phone again..
hehehhe...
*fingers crossed*

haiz...

2008-11-16T03:40:00.000+08:00

help?

2008-11-14T01:24:00.003+08:00

♥

It Works!!!

2008-11-13T09:55:00.002+08:00

I have finally figured out the buttons at the top of the page~
And all that cuz i had nothing to do while emo-ing in front of the computer...
Being emo gets things done!!! Lol..

Click Click

=P

lies suck!!!

2008-11-13T09:12:00.009+08:00

i hate it when people lie to me..
somehow whenever someone lies to me i can tell..
but when they do, i don't tell them off..
i just play along...

that feeling sucks..

why do people lie?

like seriously...

2008-11-12T20:42:00.011+08:00

i wonder how long does it take to send a simple text message??
maybe a minute or so??
or maybe a little less than that??

but somehow it takes ages to reply messages!
i know that the reception is bad.. and i know you have classes..

but still!!

can't you just send me a message before you head to class??
or maybe just send me a message when you are out for lunch??
or just a 'i'm busy now.. talk to you later'??

somehow you never do...

i am always hanging there waiting for a reply..
at least bother to end the conversation..
i always have to ask..
it's not fun waiting..
i never make you wait unless i fall asleep..

is it really that hard for anyone to do the same??
i give up....

Indie Fixx Autumn Cornucopia Giveaway

2008-11-12T19:36:00.008+08:00

i was randomly skipping from blog to blog when i saw this....

saw this on Indie Fixx..
Indie Fixx is a website that promotes handcrafted stuff...
(i absolutely adore handmades!)

go check them out...
there's lots of cute things there..
if only i have a credit card and lots of money~

the prizes for the giveaway are just too cute~
look look!!!

the shirt from gohgirl looks so cute..
simple (by my mom's standard) but still cute.... can i have it?? :P

ohh ohh....
there are also wall vinyls from studio jk vinyl up for grabs...
that reminds me... gotta clear lotsa stuff for my room..
re-paint the walls...
and probably get mom to buy wall vinyls for me... *fingers crossed*

wish me luck~
maybe i'l be a lucky winner... lol

Countdown to Exams!!!

2008-11-12T01:09:00.005+08:00

only 35 days to go before my ATCL exams..
haiz..
so far yet so near..
i need to go ampac to practise..
but...
there's no one free to send me..
and i dunno the way..
at all..
definitely no way i can drive there even if i wanted to.. =/

only one thing to do now!!

be disciplined and practice at home..

no TV for me before 6pm...
>.<

brian don't kill me now...

1....2.....3.....4.....

2008-11-11T11:39:00.001+08:00

nice song~
sing to me?? :P

happy happy day i turned 22~

2008-11-07T00:38:00.006+08:00

for once in many many many years i get to spend my birthday not having exams...
my initial plan was to just stay home.. sit in front of the TV n practice violin..
but quite obviously i didn't do that...

many happy things happened today..
let me try to recall them...

happy #1
baby asked me out today...
erm.. more like he insisted that i didn't spend the day at home alone....
I'm glad that he did..
cuz this is the first time that i spend my birthday with someone that cares for me :)
don't consider family la.....
but no one ever did that for me...
maybe cz i was always busy with exams...
but still at least you have to seem like you triedma....
happy happy day spent with him....
tho he was busy avoiding people.....
and got me mad for that little bit..... -.-
but everything worked themselves out..
and the rest of the day was lovely..
i missed you you know!!!
need to find more time to talk with you like we did today =/

happy #2
the big big big big problem that i was having..
many many posts ago
has been dealt with...
now i am back to my almost happy self..
almost cuz i haven't fully got my appetite back....
so... as soon as i get back to normal...
all the weight lost will be coming back... haiz..
but.. dun care!!!
as long as the problem is gone, i'm happy, fat or thin :)

happy #3
two of my closest friends called me to wish me happy birthday...
you must be wondering...
close friends ma.. sure will remember what...
but i haven't heard from one of them for so long...
almost 10 months already...
cz he was busy with his life far far far away and i was busy with uni...
when he called i was so glad..
so long never talked to him already..
didn't realize that i missed his company...
hope he comes back soon!!!

the other buddy of mine lagi teruk..
everyday before my birthday he keep reminding me..
and keep saying how busy he is at work...
and also how busy he'd be cuz there was 4 people having birthdays this week...
-.-
and when today came he didn't message me at all..
like he totaly forgot.. *sobsob*
but when he did i was obviously happy lo....
how can you remind me all week and forget on the day???
hahahahhaha...
but he was sick..
poor him..
GET WELL SOON!!!!!!

happy #4
many friends remembered my birthday :))
bee hoe especially... called at 12am just to prank me...
and also to say happy birthday of course :)
miss you le... gotta plan something with you guys again...
as long as you dun have flour and eggs in your hands that is...

there were also people that i seldom or even never msg with actually wished me....
thank you thank you everyone that remembered :)
i dun care if you remembered only because of facebook :P

happy #5
i had dinner with my family and nobody got mad!!!
no.. we do not argue all the time...
its just that today was almost similar to yesterday with schedules messed up..
and yesterday everyone was snappy at each other..
so considering everything..
tonite turned out well~
yay~~

dinner was lovely..
we had it at some french/italian (i have no idea) place at DPC...
nice food..
and i managed to eat quite a bit~
apetite comong back~~~~
only bad thing -- mosquitos were sucking me of my precious blood....

happy #6
i won a free handbag from an online competition thing..
hahahhaha...
so happy..
didn't expect to be so lucky..
but the one i liked dun have already...
have to make a decision on which one i want before the 12th..
hopefully tey'l have new stocks coming in before then??? (fingers crossed)

6 happy memories for me on my birthday..
a first... wth... i am soooo left out...
dun care dun care..
new beginning, new life :)
just hoping that every year after this will be as happy!!

be by me always!!!!!!!!!

I turn 22 today~ @.@

2008-11-06T00:30:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to me~
Happy birthday to me~~
Happy birthday to Lil Miss Lou Lou~~~~
Happy birthday to me~~

so lame -.-

lol..

i am officially older......

gonna spend today out with you~~
hopefully don't have to spend much though...
heheheh....

(off to catch some beauty sleep~)

bye bye~

It's all happening again..

2008-11-04T15:04:00.006+08:00

i am feeling so numb right now..
i cant feel anything at all...
can someone please help me??

i really don't want to be alone...

why can't you be there for me like you said you would be??

please don't be like him..
i can't take another hit like that...

Whats wrong with you??

2008-11-04T10:47:00.007+08:00

wth...
i know that you have a new girlfriend but i think its not necessary to let me know..
hello???
your friendster account was always on anonymous viewing..
why the sudden change????
were you afraid that i didn't know that you have a new girl in your life??
i don't go rubbing MY relationships in your face.. although its currently in shambles
and i don't really want to know bout yours...
its been almost a year...
i have already gotten over you...
why can t you just leave me be???

where are you??

2008-11-03T22:49:00.002+08:00

everything is getting to me...
exams, personal problems, etc. etc.
feel so scared and depressed...

i need someone to just sit with me and be with me...

where are you??

holiday~

2008-11-01T10:06:00.005+08:00

i'm free!!!!
only from uni for the next 6 weeks :)
violin exams still up ahead...
but i still cant be any happier.. :P

but then...
the past week hasn't been good though..
i was sick, under immense pressure, slightly depressed, had food poisoning n totally lost my appetite...
ohhh... and i couldn't sleep well..
i think i threw up almost everything that i ate...
at least rm20 worth of food wasted in a day..
the worse part is that i went 2 days eating less than what i normally eat in one meal...
haiz..

and for all that the only 'good' thing that came out of it was that i lost 3kgs...
a bit sad....

hopefully things will get better...
i miss food :( i miss you

i'm lost...

2008-10-25T23:05:00.004+08:00

i feel so lost..
dunno what to do..
i have a problem...
but i am choosing to ignore it at the moment..
cuz i dont want to make a big fuss over it..

but if i ignore it...
it will always be there...

what should i do???

continue ignoring it??

or deal with it??