Diploma.. AT? LT? Yes? No?

What do i play for my next violin diploma exam..

most probably i wont re-do the last level..

which means i'l have to work even harder..

with work and all..

i;m scared i can't make it again...

haiz..

gotta decide on pieces now to start the long long long practices...

what should i play?

Bartok?

(TK i need my scores back!!!)

Beethoven?

Haydn?

(i've never seen or heard this piece though =/)

Sarasate?

(Crazy running notes?? maybe not this piece.. or should i try something new?)

or maybe Bruch?

haiz...

if i decide to do this again and don't succeed i really dont think i will go for it again..

its too expensive to do it again...

help...

1000 a day...

no... 

i dont get RM1000 a day..

i gotta write at least 1000 words a day to complete my final project paper...

i only have 7 more days to write about 7000 words..

if all goes well i should be ok...

unless she goes n cut evrything out... T.T

i'm getting writers block..

as well as pre-recital stage fright 3 weeks before recital...

help me....

i need a break...

wth is your problem??

so what if i cant play properly??

how the hell would i know that i'd be forced to play by memory????

i never memorized the piece before and just now was the first time i picked up my violin for the day??

i lack expierience that all of you had..

cant i just have a break??

so what if i tend to go off tune??

i dont even know what notes i'm supposed to play!

so what if other people can play all the notes better than i can??

go fucking take the book away from her then see whether she can play everything correct!!!

heck! even i can play perfectly in tune if i can read the stupid score!!

my brain is not a photocopy machine..

i have shit memory and shit hearing.. 

live with it!!

hate life rite now...

why can't i just skip this phase of life??

i still cant believe that i chose music over other interest in my life...

other interest that seems more and more interesting as life goes on..

things that i can relate to more...

regrets sink in deeper and deeper everyday....

if only i could turn back time...

Numb...

It's not like i don't want it..

it's just plain fact that i am struggling to get there..

its not as easy for me as the rest of you..

i am already under immense stress...

even my body is slowly showing signs that i'm being streched too thin..

if it goes on i'm scared that history will repeat itself...

can't anybody understand where i am??

i wanna cry...

my proposal for my final project paper was passed but after i went to talk to my supervisor she rejected the topic...

(which she passed in the first place)

how how how??

have to come out with a whole new topic??

someone help me??

:(

Exam Blues~

never ever get sick before an exam...
it only makes you super blur during exam...

i know this because i just went for my exams...
with a bad cold and fever...

obviously it didnt go well...
haiz...

onli can hope for a miracle now..


:(

Where's My Painkiller?

i am in pain...
not physical kind of pain...
it's more of a emotion or mental pain that i am going through..

stress is getting the better of me...
need to find a way to get over it..

but then...

there are so many things add to the stress..
i wanna give up of everything and just let go..
but i can't do that....
that's nothing like me...

gotta be strong...

only a month to go till the new year!!

New Year Come Quick!!!

i need guts...

exams coming up soon and i'm soo not prepared..
how??
teacher said i need more courage..
just play!!
don't care about the mistakes!!!!
don't get scared at the difficult parts!!!
haiz..
if only it was that easy for me...


due to lack of practice...
which is soo true...
next week i gotta go subang to practise..
3pm-10pm...
=.=
gotta drive there smmore....

practice???
a good thing....

driving there???
i should be fine...

but..

driving there alone????
I'm so scared....
*sobsob*

hopefully after a test drive with mom on Sunday can permanently print the way there in my brain...
and probably driving there on Monday with Timmy can build up my confidence...

and last but not least.......
i gotta make sure i dun drive like a maniac...
bad bad thing that i have been doing lately....
will start driving slow and steady again~

where are you??

everything is getting to me...
exams, personal problems, etc. etc.
feel so scared and depressed...

i need someone to just sit with me and be with me...


where are you??

holiday~

i'm free!!!!
only from uni for the next 6 weeks :)
violin exams still up ahead...
but i still cant be any happier.. :P

but then...
the past week hasn't been good though..
i was sick, under immense pressure, slightly depressed, had food poisoning n totally lost my appetite...
ohhh... and i couldn't sleep well..
i think i threw up almost everything that i ate...
at least rm20 worth of food wasted in a day..
the worse part is that i went 2 days eating less than what i normally eat in one meal...
haiz..

and for all that the only 'good' thing that came out of it was that i lost 3kgs...
a bit sad....

hopefully things will get better...
i miss food :( i miss you

exams in 40 minutes..... but.....

i'm not studying at all...
instead i am surfing the net reading latest gossip n random stuff..
how how how??

haiz...

cannot be like this!!


(left to study...)



(really)



:P