Just as I get over one matter another creeps up from nowhere and slaps me in the face.. as I was making my way back to how things were life decided to do a 180 on me..

Over the past month I realised that I have been sad and depressed one moment and then bounce back to seemingly happy the next moment so much that my body is used to it.. my eyes are never swollen from crying anymore.. I can work for a full day + more on just 2.5hours… and the worse part is that I can go for a whole day on just a sip of water and barely half a bowl of noodles… and yet no one knows what I’m going thru....

Stress is the worse thing that can happen to me.. it causes me to dip into depression.. and when that happens all the essential things in life become non-essential anymore.. eating is meaningless as my body automatically gets rid of it in less than 2hours of eating it.. sleep is never a choice.. it’s either I cant fall asleep or there’ll be nightmares all nite long.. driving is dangerous because half the time I wont be concentrating.. work sucks.. cz I’m not doing much and that gives me more time to be depressed..

When will my life sort itself back to normal?

I love you more today than I loved you yesterday

I do feel this way.. despite all the quarelling and crying I still feel this way.. but do you?

Small things that you do, or don't do hurts me so much.. but when I tell you it seems like i'm in the wrong for saying it.. I don't know.. maybe it's only me that is being overly sensitive and whatever that has been going on is totally acceptable by everyone else on this planet..

parent's have been saying that I am too thin and want me to go see a doctor about it.. it's not like I have an eating disorder.. I really don't.. I still eat healthy portions plus more! Haiz..

honestly I don't know how I got this way..
life please go back to the way things were..
:(

The boyfriend every girl wants...

When you break her heart - [ the pain NEVER really goes away ]
When she misses you - [ she's hurting inside ]
When she says its over - [ she STILL wants you to be hers ]
When she re-posts this bulletin - [ she wants you to read it ]
When she walks away from you mad - [ Follow her]
When she stare's at your mouth - [ Kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you - [ Grab her and don’t let go ]
When she starts cursing at you - [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she ignores you - [ Give her your attention]
When she pulls away - [ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst - [ Tell her she's beautiful ]
When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word ]
When you see her walking - [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
When she's scared - [ Protect her ]
When she lays her head on your shoulder - [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
When she steals your favorite hat - [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
When she teases you - [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she looks at you with doubt - [ Back yourself up with the TRUTH]
When she says that she likes you - [ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grabs at your hands - [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]
When she bumps into you - [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tells you a secret - [ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes - [ don’t look away until she does ]


- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
- DON'T let her have the last word
- DON'T call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is soo much better
- Say you love her more than she could ever love you
- Argue that she is the best girl ever
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's OK don’t believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you
- Tease her and let her tease you back
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid
- Give her the world
- Let her wear your clothes
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she's important
- Kiss her in the pouring rain
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

but not a boyfriend that everyone can have...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

all those things are so sweet but yet any guy that can do all that is pretty much extinct.. or maybe never existed?

when you cry, no guy will hold you tight and tell you it's ok.. guys nowadays would instead tell you that you're thinking too much and its not true at all..

when you don't answer for a long time, he leaves you to think whatever you want, without explanation at all.. and then blames you for whatever your mind conjured up during that 'long time'.

haiz..

life cannot be perfect but it hurts so bad that you wish you could just walk away from life as is...

quick quick update!

----------------------------------------

the not so emo things i've done over the past month:

eat yummy food for lunch!

now with 2 hours for lunch i don't have to worry bout eating and getting back to work in 30minutes anymore! happy happy~

i tell you the people i go eat with really know how to enjoy.. they can bring you to the fanciest places for buffet lunches and club sandwiches as well as the smallest (or not so small) stalls to eat good hokkien mee and sweet and sour prawns..

oh.. and being the youngest, whenever there is leftover it is passed on to yours truly..

gotta find time to exercise really really soon...

go spa

mom's friend 'belanja-ed' us a spa treat in puchong.. quite nice.. not stuffy like saunas.. hahaha.. not all that expensive also.. if i am not mistaken it is only about rm16-20 per entry of i don't know how long though.. lol... apparently she wanted to open that franchise of spas but the other person went to open one in her 'territory'.. business people mark territory.. scary... =.=

get stuck in 2 hour jam
2 hours in a jam is nothing most of the time when you live/work in the city.. but this time the jam was bad... first of all the trip only takes bout 15-25minutes on a regular day basis.. and all along the way there were at least 5 cars that broken down.. 3 or was it 4 cars broke down less than 20meters apart.. =.= the worse part was when i thought we were getting close to the normally-relatively heavy-but-moving traffic area.. the cops were there.. with their car parked right across the lane.. haiz.. stupid cops.. the road was totally empty behind them... sobz...

what else what else...................

have a day trip to penang
i only went to the penang on mainland.. didn't get to the island to eat yummy yummy food.. even so i was still stuffed by the time i got home... had super big prawns.. all yummy yummy non-the-less.. and i am not a big fan of prawns...

ice skate
woohoo!! at last i went ice-skating after church with timmy~ was fun but super tiring on my legs.. + the first pair of skates didn't fit that well.. making my toes all numb.. boo the person who gave me a size too small.. O! there were many 'pro'-skaters there showing off lo.. mean mean people that scare me like crazy when they whoosh past me from out of nowhere... then there are those people that sit on the ice more than they skate.. those people also very scary... all of a sudden you'll see one of them sitting rite in the middle of your path.. and being a noob in skating i obviosly dunno how to avoid them and end up sitting on the ice next to them the many times that i wasn't clinging on to timmy..... =.= haiz.. gotta get my cousins to teach me how to skate-steer-and stop... XD

---------------------------------

life at this work place not all that boring la.. considering everything that i could do in my last job (which is about nothing - literally)....

now all i gotta do is to plan things to happen after office hours and saturdays!

any suggestions?

:D

contingency plans!!

wahhh... sounds so serious...

but i currently only need contingency plans to save my boring weekends...

just this week i have had 3 cases of my weekend plans not going haywire i end up doing pretty much nothing.. haiz..

what could i do??

hmmm......

practice? - top choice! but sometimes i got no mood.. how how??

sleep? - out of the picture cz i think its counter productive most of the time.. unless of course i am super exhausted and on the brink of falling ill...

hang out w timmy? - not always possible cz timmy gotta teach on weekends... T.T

crafting - can! but need to dig out all the supplies and then stuff them back again.. a bit mafan hor..

reading? - but no good books to read.. and marketing/stock market books don't seem to interesting to me...

shopping!! - shopping is super not productive.. + i don;t like to go shopping alone.. T.T

cooking/baking? - oven gone crazy + most of the time there is food already on the table..

what else what else?

priorities..

i have gotta set my priorities right..

no more cancelling on health appointments for pleasure appointments..

haiz...

gotta make up my priorities hierarchy!!!

brb!!

after 20minutes i realizes one thing....

i don't know how to draw using comp.. =.=

do simple simple one here la...

Health; Family; Tim

↓

Work; Music Education; Friends

↓

Concerts; KLPac; Acquaintances; Colleagues

↓

???

(si beh simple!! haha)

what else is there a?

eh.... dunno la.. add on next time..

oh.. if any of you see me messing up my priorities i give you the right to slap me on the head..

though not too hard la!!

:P

i am an ISTP!!

i recently did a personality test and this was what it said..

ISTPs value privacy and sometimes keep important issues to themselves. Their concern for the present moment and their inability to recognize the importance of setting goals, often leads them into conflict with authority (true true :P) Being action-oriented, ISTPs react against restrictions — which typically causes the controls placed on them to increase. In these situations, boredom can quickly set in and the ISTP may experience feelings of internal emptiness. Overly regulated situations cause ISTPs stress. In such situations, ISTPs either attempt to flee or turn to fight their adversary face-to-face. I tend to flee more than fight.. should start fighting for myself i think..

The ISTP's form of retaliation can be characterized as defiling what other people value. The ISTP violates rules and regulations that protect individual rights in retaliation for the lost opportunities and freedom that the ISTP believes they have had to endure. Getting even stimulates them and a renewed sense of excitement emerges from the risks of revenge and the expression of outrage. If stress continues, ISTPs will put what remaining freedom they have left in jeopardy by rebelling further. muahahahahha...beware!! me loves revenge!!! lol... jk... can't be bothered to do all that.. lazy la...

Careers

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

surveyor
fire fighter
private investigator
pilot
police officer
purchasing agent - buy buy buy~ should be fun.. i wan!!!
chiropractor - if can work on myself then i wan la.. cz my body is in knots..
medical technician
securities analyst - which is almost what i am gonna do soon.. coincidence?
computer repair person
race car driver - ooo.. interesting... but i'm scared of accidents.. O.o
computer programmer
electrical engineer
legal secretary
coach/trainer - teacher is considered this a?
commercial artist - me perform? serious? hahahaha...
carpenter - i can barely saw a plank in half properly... =/
paralegal
dental assistant
radiological technician
marine biologist
software developer

eh.. what do you think?

does these things describe me?

Goth blog~

what say you??

orange and black...

tho i still like the other blogskin more..

i couldn't find anything else that i really really liked...

oh wells...

new beginning new blogskin ma..

hahhaha...

hopefully i will update more often..

Sept 2009

gosh...

it's been a month since i last updated..

tsk tsk..

and so many things happened in the past month....

let me try to elaborate......

(not in sequence tho.. my memory not that gud.. :S)

i quit my job as a shop assistant

i found out that the person who was trying to be the good guy is actually the bad guy to start with..

haiz... people have to realise that when they do stupid things others will eventually pick up on it..

no way was i going to stay there after everything that happened..

only a fool wouldn't leave regardless on how much i could get if i stayed on..

i apparently played the violin better

despite not practicing as much.. or rather so little.. =/.. my teacher actually said my playing improved..

though not much compared to timmy..

haiz.. why you can play so well one??

*jealous*

i helped decorate a PINK party..........for a guy

hahahha.. sound so....not right..

but it was fun.. i finally went to midvalley/gardens after sooo long...

went to the biggest craft shop i have seen in KL...

itchy hands.... :P

and also i got to make tissue paper pom-poms and flowers~

my crafting side still hasn't left me fully :P

oh.. and i totally fail at making alcoholic beverages...

shows how much of a noob i am when it comes to alcohol..

haiz..

tho a 17 year old said my mojito was a 'definite failure' i think i like mojitos..

mint leaves + soda water + rum + sugar = yum yum

hahhahha... i love mint~

must try a proper mojito soon...

i am left all alone in the next KLPAC orchestra

the next orchestra concert (17-19th Dec?) i will be alll alone..

XT, WH and timmy all not playing...

how how how?

i'l be sooo bored + scared...

now i got no one to lead me... haiz...

gotta prac more.. or at least listen to the recording more.. =/

i haven't spontaneously bought anything for myself

so it might not be a bad thing..

but i've been working near a shopping center for 3 months but i have yet to buy anything for myself..

anything doesn't include food and drinks laa...

(tho i probably have spent tooo much on food)

but since i started working i haven't bought anything on impulse..

very very so not me.. hahhaa...

gotta plan a trip to some mall to get stuff..

=.=

i quit as a music teacher

i know.. people has told me what a waste...

but i can't teach there la..

bloody idiot act as if i'm not there even though i was standing in the middle of everything..

i really really don't want to but i rather not take the pay and be free that place...

i am gonna miss my students so so much...

my super hyperactive cute little students to the student that has finally showed me some interest..

i'm really sorry to have left.. but i believe you guys and do well..

T.T

i'm gonna start work soon

so soon right??

but no choice la.. i need the $$$$...

haiz.. i miss being a student with no worries...

my next job should be even more demanding than the last..

but hopefully i can cope...

i should be ok gua..

wish me luck!!! hahahaha...

seriously...

meh.. i don't remember what else happened.. anyone remembers anything let me know..

=P

I give up!!

after months of not knowing what to do with my blogskin i have finally given up..

makeover time!!!!!

check back real soon...

:P

10 october 2008

wei wei...
must help me..
i dun wanna go alone..
you be free to teman me kayz???
*fingers crossed*

AAHHHHHH!!!!!

long time no update...

tsk tsk.. bad blogger!!!

hmmm...

skip all the past and move on to now...


hmmmm......

week 10 in uni now..
so lil time but so many things to do..
help?? >.<>haiz..

week after next there's the technical exams and a presentation for lecture recital..
group teaching and the pronunciation assignment next...

and after getting over all that hurdles.....

final exams just 2 weeks away!!!

haiz...

someone help me????

hmmm...
hopefully all goes well and the next 6 weeks pass really really really fast...
and then i can enjoy my 8 weeks of holidays~~

yay!!!
cant wait!!

so...
after saying all that i gotta go and be MIA again...
back to practice now~

ciao!

can you help me keep this secret?

i have a lil secret i would like to share..
but i'm scared it'll get out and reach the ears of certain people..
what can i do???

too bad this there is not protected post thing here...

hmmm...

*thinking thinking*

maybe i'll write it in the next post???

=/

why can't you just disappear??

back in uni and facing those people again..
all those two faced good for nothing people!
everytime they need you help suddenly they are all friendly friendly to you
but then when you need their help,
they only help you if they feel like it.
if they are not in the mood..
well its just too bad for you,
you will be ignored and even treated like the diseased one...
the agony of living with them...

the worse part of being here?

the lecturers actually have favorite students..
and obviously being the teachers pet she gets all the perks!
even if she messes up her assignments somehow she still can get her As..
and it happen quite frquently tooo....
how could that be??
hate..... hate..... hate.....

haiz...
graduation come soon... -.-

i will miss u :)

done w klpac concert at last!!!
no more worrying bout the crazy bowing or the scary seating~
yay!!!!!

but...
i will miss all the friends that i made there..
maybe i'd be playing again next concert...

but...
who knows..... :)

and i'm back home again....

barely 12 hours ago i wrote about how sad i was in uni..

but now.....


im back home again!!!!
hahahahha

it wasnt all that good..
espiecially the part where i had to decide how to come back in onli 15 minutes...
haiz..
but all turned out well n here i am!!!
so happy now!!!
i miss home!!!!!!
even after just 1nite..


i have at least 3 more months to go..
how how how???
someone save me?? =P



people must be wondering what's with this crazy girl..
only 12 hours then back home again..
i didnt want to do it...
forced to..
because i had to attend orchestra rehearsal at KLPAC....
haiz... seem so commited.....
lol...
brian..... because i promised you.......
haiz.........

practise wasnt all that good..
the first half i sat aaaallllll alone....
the 'oh-so-lovely' concert mistress switched my partner away... leaving me all alone..
then after that a different guy was put beside me...
he played too loud and too fast most of the time..
someone help me!!!
i dun wanna mess up...
should i rat him out???
haiz..

i only will know tomorrow before rehearsal!!
wish me luck and pray that i have the guts to rat him out... :(


tata~~~

back at uni....

sad sad sads news for me...
i'm back at the place that i really dun wanna be...
but yet it is a necessary for me to be...
may all goes well :)

surprised >.<

karen dropped by my place today on the way to 1U for movie w sidney to pass me the shoes that i bought from elo that day..
(all the best to sidney and his stand. chart. thing...)

dun tell mom!!! she thinks i have to many pairs already.... which might be somewhat true...
but...
it was rm25 onli....

besides the pair of shoes (which was the only thing i was expecting)
there was another pair of slippers in the bag...

karen got it for free at sm event... but it was my size..
and she decided to giv it to me...
so sweeeeettt of her... :):)

but that wasnt all........
there was a lil envelop in the bag as well....

frontback

lil disclaimer.. lol... not needed in my opinion...

it gets cuter inside....
front

back

so cute....
the message was so sweet also...
thanks karen!!!
for evrything....
from baking cupcakes to bazaar/flea market hopping..
not forgetting emmagem-ing at nite... XD XD


maybe by my next holiday i can drive u around more??
lol..
*fingers crossed*

all the best with your interview :)
see you on weekends after i go back UPM (so sad so sad)....
come visit me if u r free.. heheheheh

driving on a friday

was left all alone to drive to class last friday..
so sad so sad..
but in the end i didn't have to drive alone all the way..
only to karen's house...
hehehehe...

wasnt all that bad though.. but i still don't like driving.. =.=

neways, karen brought me to bijou cafe at one of the condominiums near mont kiara
pretty pretty cafe in pretty pretty condo..
the setting was so un-malaysian like...
but it was lovely..
the prices on the other hand... hahaha..

should bring mom there one day to try out the other food... hehehehe...

pics pics below..

pink placemats (karen took one home, but it's still in the car :P)

fudge brownie

choc chip scone

bijou soda i think..

lime mint drink

lol.. i really need to know the name of the drinks better..
the food was okay..
the fudge brownie was super chocolaty....
but i rather the scone was not choc chip.. was in the mood for a plain scone... haiz..

after lunch/tea i had to go for flute lesson...
i dunno which is scarier though... flute lesson or driving... hmmm.......
shld think that out.. lol.


evryth turned out okay..
the driving and class...
but still........
i dun like driving... hahahhaha...

but it's a necessity.. slowly getting the hang of it..


wish me luck this friday!!

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