1000 a day...

no... 

i dont get RM1000 a day..

i gotta write at least 1000 words a day to complete my final project paper...

i only have 7 more days to write about 7000 words..

if all goes well i should be ok...

unless she goes n cut evrything out... T.T

i'm getting writers block..

as well as pre-recital stage fright 3 weeks before recital...

help me....

i need a break...

wth is your problem??

so what if i cant play properly??

how the hell would i know that i'd be forced to play by memory????

i never memorized the piece before and just now was the first time i picked up my violin for the day??

i lack expierience that all of you had..

cant i just have a break??

so what if i tend to go off tune??

i dont even know what notes i'm supposed to play!

so what if other people can play all the notes better than i can??

go fucking take the book away from her then see whether she can play everything correct!!!

heck! even i can play perfectly in tune if i can read the stupid score!!

my brain is not a photocopy machine..

i have shit memory and shit hearing.. 

live with it!!

hate life rite now...

why can't i just skip this phase of life??

i still cant believe that i chose music over other interest in my life...

other interest that seems more and more interesting as life goes on..

things that i can relate to more...

regrets sink in deeper and deeper everyday....

if only i could turn back time...

Numb...

It's not like i don't want it..

it's just plain fact that i am struggling to get there..

its not as easy for me as the rest of you..

i am already under immense stress...

even my body is slowly showing signs that i'm being streched too thin..

if it goes on i'm scared that history will repeat itself...

can't anybody understand where i am??

i wanna cry...

my proposal for my final project paper was passed but after i went to talk to my supervisor she rejected the topic...

(which she passed in the first place)

how how how??

have to come out with a whole new topic??

someone help me??

:(

Gong Xi Fa Chai~

Happy CNY~~

The first few days have passed..... 

but the CNY mood is still there sooooo....... 

here are my CNY resolutions 2009!!

CNY resolutions:

i. avoid being tempted by the yummy cookies and tidbits when out visiting people...

ii. drink more water and chinese tea instead of soft drinks

iii. no more play mahjong against pro players.. especially of you are a total noob....

iv. eat less bakua.. 

v. sleep earlier.. wake earlier??

heheheh... 

i pretty much broke all of that in the first and second day of CNY..

quite scared to step on the scale when i get back...

haiz...

musn't miss anymore Sat morning jogging...

=(

Vent Vent Vent!!!!!!!!

updated as of 22 january 2009

(this post is typed out so i may forget... please pardon the anger/frustration implied)

so.. 

just a little abbrevations to maintain some mystery :P

main character a.k.a source of all things bad = S

boy friend of C = T

fren of C = H

#1

supposed good news gone bad....

who in the world would be sad to hear that your marks for the final recital was reduced to 40% instead of 70%?? hello?? all the lecturer was trying to do when she changed the marking scheme was to fufil the uni requirements as well as help us so that we dun get sooo miserable results.. 

but no.... 

S didnt mind.. she went to complain to the head of department.. and restored the 70%....  obviously S wasnt afraid of getting low marks for her final recital because the head of department was her favourite lecturer.. and he totally adores her despite her lack of talent... 

(not my lone opinion)

and if he ever gives her low marks all she has to do is make a fuss out of it and ignore him for a bit and *poof* suddenly she gets almost perfect marks.... 

(proven fact! he even apologized for giving her low marks stating that he didnt mean to and he will make it up to her...)

#2

Non-Classical Pianist are not allowed to touch the baby grand piano; Non-Jazz pianist are allowed to touch the Electrical baby grand piano

Okay fine... i know this is soo unrelated to me.. but still!!!

how can he imply such a rule and make everyone but lil miss S stick to it???

he already (indirectly) bought the electric grand piano for her..

why the monkey would she want to touch the acoustic grand? go play your own toy!!

other people gotta share the other piano!! and i seriously dun wanna listen to your playing...

it has no flair and it sounds like a recording...

hello??? jazz music is supposed to be improvised.. by yourself!!

please make up your own improvisations instead of playing bluntly what other people have written out... by the way, there is no way in the world anyone that plays 'improvised' music can play it 100% similar even if he has seriously good memory...

#3

"I got NO money"

Quote "i only hv RM20 in my wallet now.. evryday i only eat maggi mee for every meal.. 

i even got diarrhea because i had too much maggi mee"

thats what S says... 

after working at the PC fair, art gallery and playing gigs... not forgetting the study loan...

i almost pitied her... 

but then the truth came out..

the 'i only have RM20' part might be true.. i dunno.. but the i only eat maggi mee everyday part is a total lie...

apparently for the whole 2 months S didnt have o pay for most of her meals... everyday about mealtime there would be someone going by her house to fetch her to eat... and sionce she had no $$ she didnt do any grocery shopping and left the fridge totally empty... 

oh.. and apparently there wasnt any maggi mee at home either...

#4

How Cheap is Cheap??

apparently S who is currently dating T...

but everyone else, they know that she is merely using him to do her work...

recently we even fount out that she is also spending his money... 

getting a new phone, paying for her meals, buying stuff for herself....

and the best part is, she has already made up her mind to break up with him after his final recital in bout 3 months?

oh.. and she is already with another guy, H; and apparently a married guy is after her as well...

and of course there are those countless guys from the PC fair...

"so many choices but all also i dun like"

S and H have alredy moved on to kissing when S and T took more than 6 months before holding hands.. quite fast eh..

maybe she just wanna secure her place with H...

cuz H is richer.. and has better connections...

Tsk Tsk...

there are still so many... but i'm too lazy to list them out....

and all i did to know all these was sit in the waiting room for 20minutes...

imagine if they chatted on for an hour...

haiz....

why are there this sort of people in the world?? 

don't they feel ashamed of what they are doing??

some of the guys that you are fooling aroung with actually have families..

you really dont mind being labeled a homewrecker??????

haiz...

poor T though...

caught up in all the webs of deceitment...

should i tell T bout it?? or just leave it be??

decisions decisions.........

Back there again....

Just 2 weeks..
or rather 6days back at UPM and i cant take it anymore...
Depression creeping into my life again...
Haiz....

Happy 2009!!!!

It's the New Year!!!

Happy New Year Everybody!
(as if anyone stops by here that often.....)

I spent new years eve rather differently this year...
not at church as usual but not out clubbing either...
i was actually back in my not-so-little room in Serdang with Timmy..

oh.. i drove there myself.. hahahhaha....

ok... let me see...
we pretty much cleared up the dust and rearranged the stuff in my little corner of the room..
poor Timmy had to clean the super dirty fan...
Thank You Baby!!! *muahx*

after all the dusting and wiping we went to get some snacks/drinks...
my usual stach was gone and i didnt want to drive back and get caught in the jam....
then, we just spent the rest of the day just talking to each other..
about anything and everything..
it was nice..
to have a person that i can share my thoughts with..
even thought we have a 5 year gap between us, you understand me..
and that means a lot to me :) :)

we pretty much talked the night away...
until we realized we had to sleep cuz i still had to drive back the next day...
hahhaha...

i enjoyed my new years eve...
though it is super uneventful..
no countdowns at fancy spots, no fireworks, no booze...
but it was nice..
just you and me.. randomly chatting..
we should do more of this k??
☺

A Quick Summary

Bye bye 2008!!!

i loved you...
because i went through so much in just one year..
i went from sad and alone to happy and loved all in a year!!

lets see......
i started off as a person who just got dumped.. sad sad sad..
but through that experience i think i grew to be a stronger person???
but through all that heartache and sadness i also found out who my real friends are...
many people that i lost contact with were the ones who consoled me and helped me get back on my own two feet...
thank you all!!!!

hmm.... what else....
oh!! i'm driving already!!
hahah... so gud hor.... after soooooo many years of getting my license....
i didnt actually do this out of my own freewill...
i had to do it..
because there was no one to drive me around anymore...
big big thank you to all the people who encouraged me/forced to drive...
now i TRY to drive you around k??
:P :P

oh oh....
i have found someone who loves me dearly ♥
a person who makes me feel that i mean the world to him...
it's a first for me.. and i totally love being with you!!
although we quarrel and fight sometimes..
thank you for bearing with me!
even if i am sometimes.... most times unreasonable..
though you dont mind, don't give in too much k?
i dont want to be a pampered girlfriend..
it's not good for us....
thank you for letting me know that you love me for who i am.. not what i look like on the outside...
when you said you didnt mind the cut on my head even though it was super obvious..
it meant so much to me!!! no one has ever said that too me...
most people would make me cover it up and hide it...
Baby, seriously, thank you for being in my life ♥♥♥♥
you are the best thing that happened to me in 2008!!!

hmm... i've also been out shopping a lot...
so much until i feel like i have nothing that i really need...
no.. i do not have everything in the world..
i just feel... maybe... dont slap me....
but i just feel that my life is somewhat complete???
i was never a person that feels contented easily..
it's just that now i do not have people in my life telling me how fat/sad/ugly i am..
the company that i have now are people who give me positive feedback and that makes me feel that i am good enough...
i do not have to do much to change who i am anymore...
not like before....
where the person i thought cared bout me usually gave me super negative comments...
haiz...


but it's all different now!!!

i started afresh in 2008 and now i'm going to make sure 2009 is gonna be better..
with great friends and family with me i'm sure it will be better :)

Happy 2009!!!!!

Off to Singapore~

i'm going to leave for Singapore in about 11 hours!!!
yay!!!
at last i can get out of the country~
hahahha.. bye bye malaysia~
but..
i dont have money to shop..
a bit sad....

mommy give me some shopping money please??

oh!!!
i know.....
i should go bug my bro...
he owes me RM150!!!
hopefully i can get it from him before he spends in Singapore...
wish me luck~







-be back in 5 days-