Friday, October 30, 2009

solitude ain't so bad...

Friday, October 30, 2009
...all you gotta do is sleep

another lonely lonely day at work... and also the first time i had to lunch alone since i started working here.. since i am super lazy to drive to klcc or what not to eat all alone i just walked across the road for some pasta.. brought the laptop along only to find out i can't get it to work.... =.=.. how sad can my laptop be?

the day passed by relatively fast.. maybe it was cz i was busy clearing out my email inbox from 2004.. so many forwarded messages.. from old frens to old flames.. tsk tsk.. packrat alert!!!!

went thru the pages one at a time.. found a whole lot of funny emails and also some personal ones.. but i had absolutely no emotions towards those emails... it seems time does heal all wounds.. some emails i read today meant the world to me back then.. but looking at them once again i realised how empty words really are.. all that was said in those emails which carried so much meaning then seemed so funny... not funny in a haha kind of way.. but i just wondered... if you really meant all those things, how can they lose all their meaning in a few months/years? haiz..

oh... back to the boring day.. the only reason why today didn't seemed so bad is because i slept right after i came home from work.. after a slow sleepy drive back from work i thought maybe my parents who just came back from the hospital would be at home rite? but i actually came back to an empty house.. empty office room, quiet phone, empty car and empty house.. lonely lonely day.. but either ways i just kinda lied on my bed and dozed off... only to wake 5hours later.. O.O.. by the time i woke, dad was half asleep in front of the tv and mom was already in bed.. my timing so off le.. but i think they tried to wake me many times.. just i didn't wake.. work sucks all the energy from me... =.=

so now 2hours since i woke i'm already sleeeeeeepy again.. haha.. gotta head back to dreamland..
nitez!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thursday, October 29, 2009
when your days starts all stressed up at 6.30am it can't get any better..

after a whole day in the office pretty much talking to nothing..
you cant exactly consider talking to the assistant in the office as communication cz i don;t talk to him at all.. most of the time he talks n i jz nod...
bout an hour before 5pm i found out that my mom decided to do the biopsy and has to stay in the hospital for the night... not exactly a pleasent way to end a day...

bahh... even after receiving this news i still had to make my way to klpac for practise which i didn't really want to go.. stupid people decide to do the photo shooting thing today... haiz..
sadly in this stupid day the traffic decides to go all smooth on me and i reached klpac 2 hours before practise... and what do i get for being so overly punctual?
no company whatsoever..

so that brings the tally to 11hours without human contact..

calls to people don't help..
cz the one that i want to talk to is too busy with his stuff and theres pretty much no one i can turn to... how sad can my life be?

practise which usually ain't all that bad does no help either.. imagine a room filled with about 60-80 people but u cant talk to anyone there... everyone there is more of an acquaintance than a friend.. so i had to pretty much plaster a semi-smile on my face... +our usual conductor wasn't there.. we were left with the conductor that thinks he is sooooooo good but doesn't realise we all din't understand anything he is trying to convey in his conducting..

unfortunately the day doesn't end here...
we had to go to meet my mom at the hospital..
at 11pm... so i pretty much flew all the way home from orchestra and quickly showered and packed stuff for my parents who are spending the night in the hospital.. since i didn't know how to get there my bro drove.. and i tell you.. his driving drove me nuts! i literally felt like asking him to either drive carefully or ask him to bloody get out of the driver's seat..

once at the hotal the first comment i get from my mom were instructions on what to do next..
i didn;t understand a thing that she said.. i don't understand how she expects me to know anything? don't you have an assistant? tell him the details and ask him to pass the running job to me.. my mind is already too full to process anything... my mom might have just went for a biopsy but i am literally on the edge of a breakdown.. the stress of working in a place where you know nothing about and not having anyone there reliable to guide you is bad enough... adding more things for me to think about and remember helps nothing...

after getting back from the hospital all i get is hostility and the cold shoulder...
me stressing out over the whole stupidity of the day is of no significant importance that i'm supposed to supress everything inside my overly cramped brain.. all i can think of doing now is to curl up under the sheets and cry myself to sleep... cz thats the easiest way to make myself sleep... it helps release the pressure in my head and i really need the sleep.. gotta wake in bout 6 hours to get ready for work...


goodnite world...

Friday, October 23, 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009
if you are meant to have something, no matter how hard other's pull and tug it will always be yours.. vice versa, when something is not yours no matter how hard you hold on to it, it will still slip through your hands..

i have decided to loosen my grip on things from now on..
no more holding on with both hands gripping tightly on it..
if anything i'l just let things fold out whatever way it is meant to be..

no point trying too hard when things aren't meant to be right?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009
no matter how much you say you miss me i find it seriously hard to believe it..
out of the many times you say you miss me, you never call..
not even once all because you don't like it...

how can anyone believe that you miss them when you are not willing to call?
i am not asking for a full on 1 hour call..
just a short call, even for 5 minutes i'd be happy...

i tried to call many times..
but you are never there..
excuses range from i was sleeping to i was in class are still acceptable..
and i am sorry if i interrupted you..
but when you say i didn't realise you called or even i am busy with last minute practises and don't want to talk now, my heart just drops..

i never had and still do not have any words whenever you throw those excuses in my face..
my brain draws a blank whenever i attempt to think about it..
crying is never an option because everyone thinks that everything is picture perfect with us...

everybody has a breaking point..

i wonder how far i am from mine...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Wednesday, October 14, 2009
i am feeling emotionally drained and physically dead now...
i've done so much trying to fix things but it seems everything i do equals to nothing..
despite how much i try to keep things as it was i feel like i'm pushed even further..
i'm scared that i can't keep up with this for too long..

Monday, October 12, 2009

can i borrow a shoulder?

Monday, October 12, 2009
things nowadays haven't been all that good..
but current situations ain't doing me any good either..
the times that i need someone to be with the most i am left all alone..
me alone with my thoughts is never a good thing...
but theres nothing much i can do..
i feel like i no longer have anyone to turn to...

can i turn back time please?

:'(

Monday, October 5, 2009

why cannot one?

Monday, October 5, 2009
i want to password protect my posts...
blogger no fun.. cannot do that..
how how how??
where can a?

Saturday, October 3, 2009

since i got nothing to do i google stuff...

Saturday, October 3, 2009

This version of ISTP seems more like me..

read on and be the judge of that... muahahhaahh

The Mechanic

As an ISTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ISTPs have a compelling drive to understand the way things work. They're good at logical analysis, and like to use it on practical concerns. They typically have strong powers of reasoning, although they're not interested in theories or concepts unless they can see a practical application. They like to take things apart and see the way they work.

ISTPs have an adventuresome spirit. They are attracted to motorcycles, airplanes, sky diving, surfing, etc. They thrive on action, and are usually fearless. ISTPs are fiercely independent, needing to have the space to make their own decisions about their next step. They do not believe in or follow rules and regulations, as this would prohibit their ability to "do their own thing". Their sense of adventure and desire for constant action makes ISTPs prone to becoming bored rather quickly.

ISTPs are loyal to their causes and beliefs, and are firm believers that people should be treated with equity and fairness. Although they do not respect the rules of the "System", they follow their own rules and guidelines for behavior faithfully. They will not take part in something which violates their personal laws. ISTPs are extremely loyal and faithful to their "brothers".

ISTPs like and need to spend time alone, because this is when they can sort things out in their minds most clearly. They absorb large quantities of impersonal facts from the external world, and sort through those facts, making judgments, when they are alone.

ISTPs are action-oriented people. They like to be up and about, doing things. They are not people to sit behind a desk all day and do long-range planning. Adaptable and spontaneous, they respond to what is immediately before them. They usually have strong technical skills, and can be effective technical leaders. They focus on details and practical things. They have an excellent sense of expediency and grasp of the details which enables them to make quick, effective decisions.

ISTPs avoid making judgments based on personal values - they feel that judgments and decisions should be made impartially, based on the fact. They are not naturally tuned in to how they are affecting others. They do not pay attention to their own feelings, and even distrust them and try to ignore them, because they have difficulty distinguishing between emotional reactions and value judgments. This may be a problem area for many ISTPs.

An ISTP who is over-stressed may exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger, or on the other extreme may be overwhelmed by emotions and feelings which they feel compelled to share with people (often inappropriately). An ISTP who is down on themself will foray into the world of value judgments - a place which is not natural for the ISTP - and judge themself by their inability to perform some task. They will then approach the task in a grim emotional state, expecting the worst.

ISTPs are excellent in a crisis situations. They're usually good athletes, and have very good hand-eye coordination. They are good at following through with a project, and tying up loose ends. They usually don't have much trouble with school, because they are introverts who can think logically. They are usually patient individuals, although they may be prone to occasional emotional outbursts due to their inattention to their own feelings.

ISTPs have a lot of natural ability which makes them good at many different kinds of things. However, they are happiest when they are centered in action-oriented tasks which require detailed logical analysis and technical skill. They take pride in their ability to take the next correct step.

ISTPs are optimistic, full of good cheer, loyal to their equals, uncomplicated in their desires, generous, trusting and receptive people who want no part in confining commitments.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Thinking
Auxiliary: Extraverted Sensing
Tertiary: Introverted Intuition
Inferior: Extraverted Feeling


ISTPs generally have the following traits:

  • Interested in how and why things work
  • Do not function well in regimented, structured environments; they will either feel stifled or become intensely bored
  • Constantly gather facts about their environment and store them away
  • Have an excellent ability to apply logic and reason to their immense store of facts to solve problems or discover how things work
  • Learn best "hands-on"
  • Usually able to master theory and abstract thinking, but don't particularly like dealing with it unless they see a practical application
  • Action-oriented "doers"
  • Focused on living in the present, rather than the future
  • Love variety and new experiences
  • Highly practical and realistic
  • Excellent "trouble-shooters", able to quickly find solutions to a wide variety of practical problems
  • Results-oriented; they like to see immediate results for their efforts
  • Usually laid-back and easy-going with people
  • Risk-takers who thrive on action
  • Independent and determined - usually dislike committing themselves
  • Usually quite self-confident

contingency plans!!

wahhh... sounds so serious...
but i currently only need contingency plans to save my boring weekends...

just this week i have had 3 cases of my weekend plans not going haywire i end up doing pretty much nothing.. haiz..

what could i do??
hmmm......

practice? - top choice! but sometimes i got no mood.. how how??
sleep? - out of the picture cz i think its counter productive most of the time.. unless of course i am super exhausted and on the brink of falling ill...
hang out w timmy? - not always possible cz timmy gotta teach on weekends... T.T
crafting - can! but need to dig out all the supplies and then stuff them back again.. a bit mafan hor..
reading? - but no good books to read.. and marketing/stock market books don't seem to interesting to me...
shopping!! - shopping is super not productive.. + i don;t like to go shopping alone.. T.T
cooking/baking? - oven gone crazy + most of the time there is food already on the table..

what else what else?

priorities..

i have gotta set my priorities right..
no more cancelling on health appointments for pleasure appointments..
haiz...
gotta make up my priorities hierarchy!!!

brb!!


after 20minutes i realizes one thing....
i don't know how to draw using comp.. =.=
do simple simple one here la...



Health; Family; Tim
Work; Music Education; Friends
Concerts; KLPac; Acquaintances; Colleagues
???

(si beh simple!! haha)



what else is there a?
eh.... dunno la.. add on next time..
oh.. if any of you see me messing up my priorities i give you the right to slap me on the head..
though not too hard la!!
:P

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday, October 2, 2009

'i miss talking to you face to face...
not so much on the phone...'


what do you make out of this statement?

i am an ISTP!!

i recently did a personality test and this was what it said..

ISTPs value privacy and sometimes keep important issues to themselves. Their concern for the present moment and their inability to recognize the importance of setting goals, often leads them into conflict with authority (true true :P) Being action-oriented, ISTPs react against restrictions — which typically causes the controls placed on them to increase. In these situations, boredom can quickly set in and the ISTP may experience feelings of internal emptiness. Overly regulated situations cause ISTPs stress. In such situations, ISTPs either attempt to flee or turn to fight their adversary face-to-face. I tend to flee more than fight.. should start fighting for myself i think..

The ISTP's form of retaliation can be characterized as defiling what other people value. The ISTP violates rules and regulations that protect individual rights in retaliation for the lost opportunities and freedom that the ISTP believes they have had to endure. Getting even stimulates them and a renewed sense of excitement emerges from the risks of revenge and the expression of outrage. If stress continues, ISTPs will put what remaining freedom they have left in jeopardy by rebelling further. muahahahahha...beware!! me loves revenge!!! lol... jk... can't be bothered to do all that.. lazy la...

Careers

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

surveyor
fire fighter
private investigator
pilot
police officer
purchasing agent - buy buy buy~ should be fun.. i wan!!!
chiropractor - if can work on myself then i wan la.. cz my body is in knots..
medical technician
securities analyst - which is almost what i am gonna do soon.. coincidence?
computer repair person
race car driver - ooo.. interesting... but i'm scared of accidents.. O.o
computer programmer
electrical engineer
legal secretary
coach/trainer - teacher is considered this a?
commercial artist - me perform? serious? hahahaha...
carpenter - i can barely saw a plank in half properly... =/
paralegal
dental assistant
radiological technician
marine biologist
software developer

eh.. what do you think?
does these things describe me?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

me <3 chocs

Thursday, October 1, 2009

chocs from my parents trip to langkawi...
not all for me la... i'm not that greedy... =.=
but i'm gonna gain weight for sure~

oh!
they didn't know about the tsunami at all...
the government really so 'responsible'..
never inform vacationers.. tsk tsk..

i am tired... very tired..

been in a rather foul mood recently...
don;t exactly know why but i think i have an idea..
haiz...
smmore had to start the day super early...
i was supposed to get up at 7am this morning to go down times square and book the holiday thing but totally overslept and woke only at 8am... =.=
reached times square at 9am and i tell you the queue was horrible..
wait.. its malaysia... there wasn't a queue.. just a whole mass of people waiting there to make holiday reservations..
had to take number... mine was 112.... the current number was 30... =.=

how sad...

the whole 2 hours of waiting (not bad at all.. they processed about 40 people an hour! was expecting much worse..) all i could hear was people complaining bout how they can't get their holiday destinations and how bad berjaya holidays has become.. some of them were scolding vincent tan and family for the changes in the holiday destinations that was available.. some were even cursing and saying they shouldn't have joined berjaya vacation club as they didn't get anything out of it.. hello hello? sell your membership la...
tsk tsk.. this people only wanna travel during peek season and they only wanna pick the hotspots.. but yet they come to make reservations at 9.30am..
if they were serious they'd be there waiting like the crazy people that came at 6am..

after making my reservations which was done in less than 5minutes.. (no none wanted what i asked for.. =.=.. everyone was trying to get christmas season at langkawi... -.-''''') i went to pavilion.. wanted to get tank top and shorts but didn't... must stock up on work clothes.. not casual wear.. meh.. went to parkson and poped by the laniege sale.. didn't see much there but i think maybe their sets were quite cheap? i didn't see for myself.. but everyone was crowding around that corner.. generally the make up was cheap.. the lip and eye colours fr rm15, highlighter-blush and lip palettes for rm20.. even with those cheap prices i saw a few people that bought rm900++ worth of items.. does anyone really need that many beauty products??

headed back to BTS cz there wasn't much else to do...
haiz.. shopping malls ain't no fun when you don't have a buddy for company.. and also when you don;t have much to spend...
i didn't realize it was 2pm though...
i've been there for 5 hours...
i have had 5 hours of exercise a.k.a random walking..
so much more then i usually do..
haahahaah..
but i'm all sore now..
don;t know why though...
bad mood + body aches...
only cure is to go sleep~

nitez...